


White Noise

by DoctorHaifisch



Series: Footprints in the Snow [2]
Category: Final Fantasy IX
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, BAMF Beatrix, BAMF Kuja, Blood and Injury, Damnit, Dark, Everything Hurts, F/M, Flashbacks, Gen, Marriage is freaking hard, Minor Character Death, Muteness, People seriously need to communicate, Redemption, Sick Character, Surreal, Violence, Zidane is doing his best
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-07-15
Updated: 2016-01-29
Packaged: 2018-04-09 11:11:59
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 5
Words: 28,848
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4346381
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DoctorHaifisch/pseuds/DoctorHaifisch
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>SEQUEL TO "SILENCE"</p><p>Sharing a story doesn't absolve it of its consequences. Kuja is now silent in his self-imposed exile. With the Black Mage Village on the map, Kuja starts running out of options. Meanwhile, Zidane struggles to rule a kingdom while protecting the man who destroyed it - yet, how can Zidane protect a man whose enemy dwells within him? Every night, Kuja wanders into the snow and darkness. Kuja may be back, yet Zidane feels him drifting farther and farther away...</p><p>“I can feel it, Zidane… like the cold fingers of Death are curling over my shoulder. I’ve known for awhile, but yesterday, when I forced life into another… somehow I knew…”</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Birth

**A/N: Aaaaand we’re back! It feels so nostalgic working with this story again. Between resurrecting _White Noise_ and the announcement about the FF7 remake, I feel like everything’s coming full circle! Anyhoo, for those who read the original _White Noise_ , you might notice I’ve chopped up the chapters a little differently to give them more consistent lengths/amounts of action. And for those of you reading this story for the first time, I hope you’ll like it as much as _Silence_. Once again, all artwork (however poor) is also done by me. Thanks for reading, everyone! – and on with the show!**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Final Fantasy IX or any aspect of the Final Fantasy franchise.**

_Noise cuts._

_It stabs the darkest, sickest parts of you._

_White noise cuts through._

_Noise cuts._

_It carves like razors in me, too._

–      Deathstars, “Noise Cuts”

  

**Chapter 1: Birth**

 

** **

 

Sunlight reflected off the dust in the air, causing it to shimmer like snow. It would’ve been beautiful and poetic, if I hadn’t had the worst headache of my entire freakin’ _life_. It was worse than the hangover I got after challenging Freya to a pub game of truth or dare (I passed out somewhere between dancing on the counter and shuffling under a chair to be a turtle).

Trying to avoid the blades of sunlight in my eyes, I rolled away and stuffed my face in my pillow.

“Knock it off,” Dagger muttered sleepily from the other side of the bed. “Those pillows are expensive…”

“We’ll buy new ones…” I mumbled. 

I couldn’t see Dagger’s face, but I knew she was pursing her lips. “It’s not like pillows grow on _trees_ , Zidane.”

“No, they grow on Chocobos – and besides, we’re the freakin’ King and Queen of Alexandria. We can snap our fingers and get new pillows sent straight from Treno.” 

“Not true. When I was little, my father found out I was stealing pillows to build a roof fort. I got caught because it rained on the fort before I could get it inside.”

I peeked one eye out at Dagger. “Gods, I love you.”

Dagger smirked as she propped herself up on her elbows. “Love you, too.” 

I groaned and immediately buried my face in the pillow again.

“It’s your own fault,” Dagger chastised. “If you hadn’t stayed out all night doing gods-know-what…!”

“I know, I know…” I yanked the pillow off my face. Dagger was yawning with a hand over her mouth like a posh little princess. “I told you, Beatrix wanted to talk about some stuff and the conversation went on _forever_.”

Dagger raised an eyebrow. “All _night?!_ ”

“She was feeling chatty…?”

Dagger gave me a dry look. “Really, Zidane? _Beatrix_ was feeling chatty? You need to learn to lie better.”

“I’ll take lessons.”

“Well, headache or not, we have to get up. We have visitors from Burmecia who will be expecting our best faces!”

I dug the heels of my hands into my eyes. “Dagger, I only slept for _two_ hours… can’t I bail on this one?”

Dagger smacked me across the face with a pillow. “You most certainly cannot! You’re the King of Alexandria! You have obligations and responsibilities! Besides, _Freya_ is coming!”

I sat up and glared at Dagger. “I thought you said these pillows were expensive!”

“We’ll buy new ones.”

We proceeded to have a two-minute staring contest.

Which I promptly lost.

“As you wish, Your Majesty…” I crawled out of bed, but with each step towards the washroom, my body felt a little heavier than before. It was suffering from some nightmarish concoction of both dread and relief, which was manifesting itself as nausea. Washing my face in the sink, I replayed the night’s events over and over in my head. I’d told Beatrix _everything_ … I wanted to feel ashamed, dumping my problems on her, yet I felt so much _lighter_  before.

 _What’s done is done…_ I thought as I ran my fingers through my hair.  _It’s not like I can take it back anyways…_

Returning to the bedroom, I discovered a pair of sleek, navy blue trousers and a white shirt lying on the bed.

“Aw, c’mon, Dagger, you tryin’ to turn me into a nobleman?! Freya won’t care if I’m wearin’ fancy clothes!”

“Yes, but the _ambassadors_ will!” Dagger gave me a sour look as she attempted to de-tangle her hair with a brush. “If I’m going to be stuck in a hoop skirt, you’re suffering with me! Besides, those pants aren’t worth half a gil anymore. We had to cut a hole in them for your tail.”

I lifted the pants off the bed and blinked. So they had. Chuckling, I dragged the clothes on and stepped in front of the mirror. The outfit was ridiculous – it even had silver embroidery running up the sides of the legs.

“Even _Kuja_ would find this tacky…” I muttered. The name caused me to pause, however, and frown at myself in the mirror.

“Are you alright…?”

Glancing over my shoulder, I saw Dagger standing in the pale slip of her dress. The white fabric was illuminated by the sunlight. Dagger cocked her head to the side.

“Zidane…?”

I couldn’t help but grin. “Sorry, I just… you’re so beautiful, Dagger…”

Dagger blushed. “Stop that…! We’re supposed to be serious today.”

“I can’t help it if I married the most beautiful woman on the planet.”

Garnet put her hands on her hips and pouted. “Flattery won't get you out of trouble for last night! I was worried you’d fallen off the roof or something!”

I snorted as I strode towards the door. “For goodness’ sake, Dagger, I have a prehensile tail!”

As the door shut behind me, I heard Dagger shout, “be back in an hour or you’re sleeping on the couch!” 

I chuckled as I made my way down the hall. Even Steiner couldn’t wipe the grin off my face when he clicked his heels and saluted.

“Your Majesty!” 

Okay, truthfully, Steiner’s act just made me grin wider. “It kills you every time you have to call me that.”

Steiner stared down his nose at me. “If the queen wishes to marry a knave, who am I to deny her happiness?”

“Love you too, Rusty.”

Steiner peered at me from beneath his visor. “His Majesty is in awfully good spirits today.”

“Well, it’s a beautiful day.”

Steiner’s narrowed his eyes. “What are you up to…?”

I threw up my arms in exasperation. “Why do you always gotta suspect me of something?! I’m just heading downstairs for food and air. Is that a _crime?!_ ”

Steiner wagged a metal finger in my face. “That had _better_ be all you’re up to! Beatrix didn’t come to bed until  _morning_. She said she was forced to stay out because you were climbing the roof of the castle and she thought you'd fall off any moment!”

I gave Steiner a look of disbelief. _…I can’t believe he believed that. I need to reevaluate my life._

“So _that’s_ what this is about,” I said with a sneer. “Well, don’t you worry, Rusty. I’m not gonna steal your woman.”

“M-my _woman_?!” Steiner spluttered. “How dare – ”

By then, I was already gone, leaving Steiner to one of his armor-clanking tantrums. I couldn’t really blame him for being angry. Most kings wouldn’t _dream_ of wandering the castle hallways alone. Servants are supposed to bring him food, and guards are supposed to follow him everywhere. Unfortunately, I’m not fond of doing things the way you're supposed to, and I made that very clear the moment I received my crown and proceeded to never wear it again. I _need_ my freedom. Steiner, being such a stickler for protocol, had probably developed an ulcer since I took the throne.

Other than freedom, however, there was a darker reason for my insistence on traveling alone. Before grabbing breakfast, I stopped in front of Dagger’s childhood bedroom, pulled a brass key from my pocket, and unlocked the door. Once inside, I slammed the door and double-locked it.

“Hey, Kuja…” I muttered. “Beautiful day, isn’t i – ”

I choked as I was impaled by a pair of dazzling, blue eyes. I actually fell back against the door like a collapsing maiden. Over by the window, Kuja was sitting in his usual chair, hands in his lap, staring intensely at me.

“K-Kuja…!” I spluttered.

 _Hello, Zidane…_ Kuja murmured telepathically. He looked absolutely exhausted, and with the stasis spell gone, dark shadows were forming beneath his eyes. 

“Kuja, you… you’re back…!”

_…What gave it away, Zidane?_

Well, a few things certainly hadn't changed. “Wow, um… I’m… I'm not sure what to do from here," I admitted. "Uh… are you hungry?”

Kuja returned his gaze to the window. _Unlike you, some people don’t think about food every moment…_

“No, I think about _girls_ every moment.” I laughed, but I didn’t really find the situation funny. I massaged my temples in a desperate attempt to get rid of my headache. “Okay, let’s start over. Welcome back, Kuja.”

Kuja didn’t respond. I remembered my own disorientation when I awoke, so I didn’t take it personally. Besides, I needed those few seconds to figure out what to do…

_Holy hell, I’m in trouble… If Dagger finds out – but I can’t leave Kuja alone after – uh oh… Freya…_

As if reading my thoughts (and he very well might have been), Kuja knit his eyebrows together.

“You were gone a _really_ long time…” I said helplessly.  “At least four and a half years… I wasn’t sure you’d come back…” I nervously curled my tail around my ankle. “I didn’t think… I didn’t think you _could_ come back alone…”

Kuja’s eyes flashed strangely. _Is that what you think…?_ _You think I was alone…?_

Suddenly, there was a knock at the door, and I almost hit the ceiling. A faintly troubled look crossed Kuja’s face.

“Zidane, are you in there?!” Dagger shouted from the other side of the door. “The Burmecians have arrived!”

“…just go…” Kuja whispered hoarsely.

 “You don’t have to tell _me!_ " I hurried to the door. "Just, uh… stay here, obviously. I’ll be back in a few hours.”

Kuja simply ignored me.

Dagger was watching me mutely as I squeezed myself out of the room. “Sorry about that! I zoned out at the window.”

I turned from locking the door and noticed Dagger’s dress. The fabric was pearl white, but the bustle was green and trailing along the floor. “Dagger, you look _gorgeous!_ ”

Dagger gave me a graceful twirl and the dress fanned out behind her like a fishtail. “You like it? It’s horribly uncomfortable, but I wanted to look my best.”

“You look like a doll!” I put my arm around Dagger’s shoulders and pulled her close as we walked down the hallway. Some of the guards gave us not-so-subtly judgmental looks.

“The ambassadors are just now settling in,” said Dagger. “Since they’re a bit early, I thought we could join them in the dining hall for breakfast.”

“Yes, food. Good idea.”

I tried to keep my tone light, but the guilt was killing me. I had no choice but to abandon Kuja until this whole thing blew over.

Normally, eating in the dining room felt ridiculous because the table could seat thirty people, but with twelve Burmecians at the table, it finally seemed appropriate. When we entered the dining hall, twelve long, furry noses turned to greet us.

Beatrix and Steiner were already in position on either side of the door.  As Dagger and I crossed the threshold, Beatrix shouted, “King Zidane Tribal and Queen Garnet Til Alexandros XVII of Alexandria!”

I absolutely _hated_ formalities, and it was even worse seeing Freya stifle her laughter as the Burmecians stood and bowed in our direction.

“We thank Your Majesties for their gracious hospitality!” said the head ambassador. I could feel heat rising in my cheeks as I struggled to remember his name. _Kelvin…? Kronos…? Dagger’s gonna kill me…_

“And we thank you for joining us, Ambassador Cillian,” Dagger greeted.

_Oh, thank goodness…_

“Let’s take our seats.” Dagger smiled in that effortlessly polite way of hers. “The food will be out in a moment.”

We took our seats at the end of the table. Freya, who was closest to me, gave me smirk from under the brim of her hat.

“King Zidane… I’ll never get over it…”

“Now, now, darling,” Sir Fratley patted Freya on the arm. “I think King Zidane is doing a wonderful job!”

“Sir Fratley is too kind,” said Dagger, trying not to laugh. I rolled my eyes

“Yeah, yeah, get it all out of your system.”

I wanted to keep talking with Freya, but Dagger and I had to amuse the ambassadors. Politics have never been my strong suit, however, and my attention wandered dangerously. Within minutes, my mind spiraled back to Kuja. What would Dagger do when she found out? What would _Beatrix_ do? And if the news spread beyond the castle, Baku would kill me. Tantalus helped me bring Kuja to Alexandria, but they had no idea I kept him in the castle. If Baku discovered how irresponsible I’d been, he’d break more than just my nose.

“Zidane?”

“Huh?”

“Are you alright?” Freya narrowed her eyes at me while Dagger and Cillian conversed about a new treaty. “You seem awfully distracted, considering the lack of bar maids in the room.”

“Oh, uh…” I scratched the back of my head. “I’m fine. This conversation’s a little over my head, is all.”

Freya nodded, looking bored. “I feel the same. This kind of talk is more Fratley’s forte than mine.”

“Yeah, I don’t really – ”

Dagger kicked my shin under the table, cutting me off. Freya laughed and then coughed into her fist to hide it. Right, no side conversations… Well, since I couldn’t talk to Freya, my mind wandered again.  I needed to talk to Beatrix, then contact Mikoto. Unless Kuja was planning to contact her on his own? They’d always had a strong mental connection, but Kuja’s wasn’t the type to –

“What does His Majesty think?”

“Huh?”

Ambassador Cillian was staring at me like I’d grown a second head. I felt Dagger tense up beside me as the able went quiet. Freya’s whiskers quivered.

“I… um… I think that’s a great idea,” I said, praying I hadn’t just agreed to citywide prohibition.

Thankfully, the corners of Cillian’s snout turned up in a smile. “Oh good, I agree! After all, if we commission Lindblum to build steam-powered rail cars, we could nearly double our trade!”

Dagger nearly went limp beside me. I could feel my cheeks burning. From the doorway, General Beatrix was literally giving me the evil eye. I tried to ignore her as the Burmecians chattered away. I could hardly eat once the food arrived. The bread felt like paste in my mouth. Dagger mistook my behavior for restlessness and gave me an exasperated look.

“Zidane,” she whispered. “If this is too torturous for you, why don’t you take a walk?”

“Huh?” I nearly choked on a piece of fruit. “Oh, uh… sure.”

Dagger hesitated, then cleared her throat loudly. All the Burmecians turned towards us.

“I’m terribly sorry to interrupt our meal,” said Dagger. “ – but King Zidane has a quick matter he must attend to.”

“Oh, that’s too bad,” said Ambassador Cillian.

“He’ll return later.” Dagger gave me a meaningful look. Freya frowned. She knew there couldn’t _possibly_ be an important issue for me to attend to.

“Sorry, guys,” I said as I rose to my feet. “I’ll return in a few hours!”

“It’s no problem at all!” said Cillian loudly. “All hail the King of Alexandria and the hero of Gaia!”

The Burmecians raised their glasses to me. Turning the color of a tomato, I nodded swiftly and ran out of the room.

Beatrix gave me a look that could melt steel. “I’ll be escorting His Majesty to his next appointment.” 

I couldn’t decide if I felt relieved or threatened. Thankfully, Beatrix waited until we were quite a ways down the hall before rounding on me.

“Alright, Zidane, what’s the problem?”

“Uh… Kuja’s back.”

“Then get him out of here.”

I sighed and wandered over to a window. “Beatrix… tell me what I should do…”

“His Majesty is twenty years old now, and a king. You figured out how to return from the _dead_ , so you can figure this out, too.”

I chewed my lip as I watched servants raking the yard below. “I’m gonna contact Mikoto… and then I’m gonna take a trip to the Black Mage Village. I can bring Kuja with me. I’ve been meaning to check up on the village anyways.”

“Sounds reasonable. I’ll assist in any way I can. But I must ask: what are you going to tell the queen?”

I frowned over my shoulder. “Whaddya mean? I’m gonna tell her I’m visiting the Black Mage Village.”

“Sooner or later, she’ll notice Kuja’s gone.”

“You want me to tell Dagger the truth.”

Beatrix smiled thinly. “That’s usually a good place to start.”

“Maturity is exhausting… and I’m afraid of Dagger.”

Beatrix smirked. “You should be.”

I turned around and rested my forehead against the cool window. “She doesn’t understand.”

“You’re right, she doesn’t,” Beatrix agreed.  “And unless you tell her what you told me, she never will. So for now, tell the queen you’re taking Kuja to the Black Mage Village. She’ll just be happy he's out of the castle.”

“Yeah, I guess…” My shoulders slumped in exhaustion. “I’m gonna go tell him my plan, then force myself back into the dining hall.”

Beatrix nodded. “I’ll give the queen an excuse to buy you time.”

“Like I’m running around the roof or something?”

“Steiner believed it.”

I couldn’t help but laugh. “Beatrix… you’re too good to me.”

Beatrix snorted and flipped her hair. “I know.”

I nearly sprinted to go talk to Kuja. Now that I knew he was awake, however, I felt apprehensive outside the door. Sighing, I shoved the key in the lock and slipped inside. Kuja was still sitting exactly where I’d left him. When he heard the door close, his blue eyes flickered in my direction.

 _You’re back early…_ he murmured in my head.

“I found a way to get out of the meeting.”

_Some king you are…_

Yeah, he _definitely_ hadn’t changed. “Well, we don’t have a lot of time, so we need to figure out what to do. Can you contact Mikoto?”

_Not without ethers._

“Right, ethers.” 

_And the queen…?_

 “I’m gonna tell her the truth.” 

Kuja had nothing to say to that. Feeling awkward, I turned back to the door. “Okay, um… I’m gonna go get the ethers… We gotta get this ball rolling.”

I power-walked to Doctor Tot’s office on the highest floor where he always kept a stash of medicines. Technically, I didn’t have a key, but that had never been a problem for Zidane Tribal: burglar extraordinaire. Once I was outside the door, I fiddled with my belt where I kept a tiny pin for emergencies (or playing pranks on Steiner). Glancing around to make sure no one could see, I quietly picked the lock to Doctor Tot's office. Once I heard the click, I stuck the pin back in my belt and let myself in. Sure enough, there were several ethers sitting in a cabinet at the back of the office. Grabbing a quill and an inkpot from the table, I scribbled a quick note.

 

_Sorry for stealing your ethers. I owe you 1500 gil. Don’t tell the queen._

_– Zidane_

 

Then I fled the scene of the crime. Once I returned, I found Kuja standing by the open window, staring out at the sea. He looked strangely melancholy. 

“Three ethers,” I announced.

 _Leave them on the bed…_ There was a strange hint of resentment in Kuja’s voice.

“Uh, you sure…?”

_Yes. I know you have matters to attend to._

“Okay… Well, just a warning: I told Beatrix you were awake. Take those ethers before she tries to kill you.”

_Do what you must._

I paused in the doorway before I left, but Kuja was still staring out the window. Sighing, I slipped out into the hall and returned to the dining room once more.

“Announcing His Highness, King Zidane Tribal!” Steiner shouted.

“Sorry if I kept you guy waiting,” I said, returning to my seat.

“Oh, it was no trouble at all, Your Majesty!” said Ambassador Cillian.

The conversation immediately resumed. Freya leaned over and rested a clawed hand on my arm.

“Zidane, is everything alright?”

I forced myself to smile. “Yup! Everything’s fine!”

The next several hours moved about as quickly as Steiner’s brain. The food was cleared, drinks were poured, and everyone talked until the words became an endless drone. Then there were more drinks, more talking, dinner, dessert, talking, talking…

By the time Dagger announced she was ready to retire, I nearly collapsed on the table. Beatrix and several guards escorted the Burmecians to their guest rooms, but Freya and Fratley lingered.

“So you’re staying the night?” I asked them.

Freya nodded. “Fratley and I plan to remain here through tomorrow.”

“Good. We gotta catch up on old times!”

“Yes, but for now, we need to catch up on sleep,” said Dagger tiredly. I patted her on the shoulder.

“Yeah, you look beat. Let’s go to bed.”

“Agreed.” Freya grabbed Fratley’s arm. “We’ll see you two in the morning.” She tipped her hat as Fratley clicked his heels and saluted.

“Until the morn’!”

I would’ve laughed if Dagger hadn’t elbowed me in the ribs. “Shall we?”

“Definitely. It’s gonna take an hour to get you out of that dress.”

I guess my voice was a little loud. Dagger blushed, and Steiner looked like he was about to have an aneurysm. As we headed back to our room, Dagger gently touched my arm.

“Are you sure you’re alright, Zidane?”

“Yeah, just got a lot on my mind.”

“I find that hard to believe.”

“Ha ha.”

“Well, whatever it is…” said Dagger. “You know you can always talk to me…”

“I know…”

We paused at the top of the stairs. Dagger gave me a meaningful look. “You’re going to visit him?”

“Yeah, sorry… I’ll come to bed in a minute…”

“Fine, then I guess I’ll just have to get _myself_ out of this dress…”

“Oh, don’t you worry, I’ll be back in time to at least get the slip off.”

Dagger turned an even darker shade of red, and with that victory, I headed off to Kuja’s room. At night, the halls doubled their guard numbers, so I had to be discreet as I slipped inside.

“Hey, Kuja, sorry to keep you – ”

I froze, one hand still on the doorknob.

Kuja was gone, leaving the curtains to billow into an empty room. He hadn’t even left the glass bottles of the ethers…

;

The bedroom was dark as Dagger slept softly beside me. I gazed up at the ceiling, trying to will my thoughts to slow so I could sleep. After a couple hours, however, I realized it was futile.

“…Dagger?”

She made a small, tired sound.

“…Dagger, you awake?”

“Mm?”

I sighed loudly. “You know how you said I could talk to you about anything…?”

“Mm… yeah…”

“Did that ‘anything’ include Kuja?”

I felt Dagger tense beside me. “…Yes…”

I had no choice but to tell her the truth. Things were rapidly spiraling out of control. “Kuja woke up this morning.”

Dagger sat up abruptly beside me. “What do you mean?!”

“He's awake. I spoke to him and everything.”

I heard Dagger suck in a sharp breath. “Kuja…is awake… in my castle?!”

“Dagger, keep your voice down…” I hissed. “There’re guards outside the door!”

Clearly, Dagger didn’t care. “Kuja, the most _evil_ man in history, the man who murdered my _mother_ , is awake inside _my_ castle?!”

“Well, I mean, he’s not actually _inside_ the castle.”

“…What?!”

“Yeah, um… Kuja sorta… disappeared when I wasn’t looking… Probably teleported…”

“You mean that monster is _loose_ _?!_ ” Dagger shrieked.

I winced in the dark. “Um… I’m guessing he went to the Black Mage Village…”

“Th-that bastard is _loose_ _!_ ” I could hear Dagger ripping the blankets off her legs, but I lashed out and caught her arm in the darkness.

“Calm down! Do you really think Kuja would run around wreaking havoc after everything that happened?!”

Dagger stopped kicking off the sheets, but her arm was trembling in my grip. “I would expect _anything_ from that man.”

“Believe me, if Kuja didn’t make it to the Black Mage Village, then he probably just collapsed somewhere or got arrested.” I was trying to comfort Dagger, but all I was really doing was freaking myself out. What if Kuja really _had_ screwed up?! What if he hadn’t even gone to the Black Mage Village?! Where else _could_ he go?!

“Zidane, I… I am so upset right now…”

“I know…” I rubbed my forehead tiredly. “And I know you’re mad at me. But I promise you, Dagger, Kuja is now out of your life forever.”

Dagger wrenched her arm from my grip and cocooned herself in her blankets.

“We’ll talk about this in the morning…”

I sighed and collapsed back on the bed.

_I'm a dead man..._

; 

By morning, I’d made my decision – not in my sleep, obviously, but I woke up determined to do the right thing.

My eyes still closed, I rolled over and reached toward Dagger. My fingers swept through air. Surprised, I sat up to find the sheets cold, wrinkled, and abandoned. For a second, I was convinced Dagger’d left me, but no, she wouldn’t leave me now after _everything_ , would she?

I dragged myself out of bed and pulled on some clothes. Instinctively, I reached under the mattress for the key I hid there, until suddenly remembering Kuja was gone. Shoulders slumping, I straightened up and carried on with my day. There were several soldiers stationed in the hall, so I asked one of them where the queen had gone to.

“Queen Garnet took an early breakfast,” the soldier explained. “But I haven’t heard word of Her Majesty leaving the castle.”

Thinking I might catch her still at breakfast, I decided to check the dining hall. Dagger wasn’t there, but to my surprise, I found Freya and Fratley.

“Hey!” I called out.

The two Burmecians paused in their eating and looked up at the sound of my voice. “Well, well,” said Freya. “Looks like His Laziness finally dragged himself out of bed!”

“Won’t you join us?” asked Fratley, gesturing towards the table.

“Yeah, sure.” I pulled back a chair and threw myself down. “Have either of you seen Dagger?”

Freya tilted her head to the side  “Your wife didn’t tell you where she was going?”

I shook my head as I plucked a grape from the fruit tray on the table. “She was gone when I woke up.”

“Hmm… that’s odd.” Fratley’s nose twitched. “She ate breakfast with us…”

“Really?”

Freya nodded. “She seemed rather upset, but she wouldn’t say why. General Beatrix asked to have a word with her, and we haven’t seen either since.”

“That’s… weird…” _And ominous._

Freya’s eyes never left me, even as she took a sip of coffee. “Zidane, I’m sorry to keep bothering you, but is everything okay?” 

“Fine,” I lied.

Freya was scrutinizing me like a hawk. “Zidane, I… I know it’s been hard for you since… since the Iifa Tree…”

Fratley worriedly touched the back of her hand. “Freya, dear…”

Freya ignored him. “You never told us what happened, so I’ve always assumed the worst. You disappeared for _years_ without explanation. We’re all happy you’re back, but surely you can understand why we worry?” 

I felt completely ashamed of myself all of the sudden. These people were my friends, yet I kept so many secrets...

“Zidane…?”

“Sorry…” I muttered softly. “I know it’s not fair to keep secrets from comrades, but I really want to put the past behind me…”

“But Zidane, we’re a part of your past,” said Freya. “I’ve known you for _years_. You’re a cheerful, outgoing young man, but you wear your emotions on your sleeve, and you get carried away when you care about something. And we _love_ that about you, and we respect your decisions, but… I can’t help but worry that those decisions are hurting you somehow…”

Freya’s gaze was intense. Fratley looked as uncomfortable as I felt.

“Freya, dear, perhaps I should leave you two to talk alone…”

Freya nodded, but never took her eyes off me. Fratley tipped his hat politely before scampering out of the hall.

“Your boyfriend is _way_ too polite…” I said to break the awkward silence. Freya rolled her eyes.

“Zidane, I’m serious…”

“I know, I know. I understand your concern, but everything’s fine, really!”

“Then answer me this,” said Freya. “Does Dagger know what happened in the Iifa Tree?”

“…No…” I admitted.

Freya sat back with a sigh. “I suspected as much. You are so _stubborn_ , Zidane! You don’t have to tell _me_ what happened, but the least you could do is tell your own _wife_ _!_ ”

“She doesn’t like to talk about the past,” I said meekly. “We both just want to move on…” 

“It’s Kuja, isn’t it…?” said Freya. “He wasn’t dead when you returned to the Iifa Tree.”

The sad, hopeless look on Freya’s face conjured memories of that day, so many years ago, when she lay cold and defeated in the ruins of her homeland. I could still remember the way Kuja stood over her, smiling as he called her a “filthy rat.” Freya lost _everything_ that day, all at the hands of Kuja and his Black Mages – and he’d stood in the midst of that destruction and _mocked_ her.

Yet I couldn’t forget what I’d seen in Kuja’s mind, either, the night he stood alone in the dark, holding a lifeless child. Spiraling into madness, Kuja had blamed everything on Burmecia. Surely, he'd carried that hatred into the city the day it was toppled.

Besides, it wasn’t Kuja who wounded Freya that day in Burmecia – it was _Beatrix_ … Beatrix had approved the destruction just as much as Kuja, yet Freya had forgiven her. Freya saw the General as a victim of circumstance. Could she be persuaded to see Kuja in the same light? Freya had caught a glimpse into the past on Terra – she knew what Kuja was and what he had gone through…

…but even _Kuja_ knew his crimes were unjustifiable…

“I know you guys thought it was stupid of me to run back to the Iifa Tree…” I said. “And it’s not like I don’t get it. Kuja did _unforgivable_ things. What I did, I did for my own peace of mind.”

“But Zidane…” Freya gave me a doubtful look. “You don’t seem to have _any_ peace of mind. In fact, you seem more troubled now than you ever were.”

Freya’s words gave me pause. Was it true…? 

“Freya, there’s… there’s something that’s been buggin’ me..." I said slowly. “When Fratley disappeared, he forgot _everything_ , right?”

“…Yes…?”

“So… was he happy like that?”

Freya suddenly avoided my gaze. “…I don’t think Fratley was _un_ happy… He… he said he spent all those years feeling like there was a hole in his heart, yet he didn’t know what was missing, so he couldn’t feel sad about it. Fratley admitted that meeting me didn’t fill the hole because he couldn’t remember ever having lost me, yet getting to know me again has finally put him at ease…” Freya swallowed thickly. “So, I suppose, in that sense, the hole can never be filled, but Fratley is still happy.”

“That’s how I feel…” I said softly.

Freya gave me a confused look, then her eyes lit with surprise. “I… I see…”

“I grew up without _any_ memories,” I said. “There was just an empty void, and the occasional dream of a blue light. I spent my entire childhood feeling like I’d slept through the most important part of my life, and I would’ve given _anything_ to know who I was. That’s why I ran away when I was younger. Problem was, Tantalus was the only thing I knew, so how could I go searching for something I never knew I’d lost?” Years later, I could still feel the sting of Baku’s slap when I returned to Tantalus. “By the time you and I met, I’d already given up on learning who I was. I was happy, so what did it matter? But when I met Kuja… when I realized he was the bridge between myself and my identity… doesn’t it make sense that his existence would mean at least a _little_ bit to me?”

Freya nodded uneasily. “Yes, of course…”

“I mean, trust me, I wasn’t exactly thrilled to find out my own flesh and blood was a monster! I wanted to forget all about Kuja and pretend he had nothing to do with me, yet when all was said and done…”

Freya held up a clawed hand. “You don’t have to say anymore, Zidane… I understand… I just want you and Dagger to be happy…”

“We will be,” I said as much to myself as Freya. “We might go through rough patches, but I think that’s a normal part of marriage. Maybe I’m not the happy-go-lucky kid I used to be, but some really crazy stuff happened four years ago, and it’s been hard to get through.”

Freya seemed to sag in her seat. “We’ve _all_ been through rough times, and I think we’ve all been hardened by it. Returning to the Iifa Tree was foolish, but it was also _immensely_ honorable. Even after everything he did to you, you didn’t let Kuja turn you into someone like him. For better or for worse, you followed your own code, and someday, Dagger will come to terms with that.”

I gave Freya a shaky smile. “Thanks, Freya… You’re… you’re a true friend…”

Freya smirked. “Compliment me all you want, you still owe me that bar tab.”

I snorted. “I’ll pay you back and then some.”

Fratley suddenly poked his head into the dining room. “King Zidane, I have found the queen! She's in the library, reading. I told her you were looking for her.”

“Oh, uh… thanks.” I didn’t really want Dagger to know I’d been looking for her, but I knew Fratley meant well.

“Go talk to her, Zidane,” Freya urged. 

I shoveled a piece of toast into my mouth and stood. “ _Way_ ahead of you.”

Alexandria’s library is massive, but I spotted Dagger right away, thanks to the shimmery gown she was wearing. She was sitting at one of the tables tucked behind the bookshelves, leaning over a large, somewhat battered book. I approached her slowly, but even when I was right behind her, Dagger didn’t notice me coming. Finally, I cleared my throat, and Dagger nearly hit the ceiling.

“Zidane!” She squealed like a cat and slammed the book closed. “What is the meaning of this, sneaking up on me?!”

I tried not to laugh, but it was hard not to after the sound she’d made. “Sorry, Dagger! Fratley said you were hiding in here.” 

“I do not _hide_ , Zidane.” Dagger gave me a smoldering look.

“Whatcha reading?” I glanced at the book, but couldn’t make out any title.

Dagger shrugged, brushing some invisible dirt off the cover. “Nothing of interest. It was already lying on the table when I got here, but unfortunately, it's quite boring.”

“Oh. Well, since the book is boring, uh… I think we should talk.”

“You’re going to the Black Mage Village.”

“I… yes?”

Dagger was staring at me with a strange look on her face. Her expression was serious, but behind the intensity, her eyes seemed soft and sad. “I understand.”

I was caught off guard for the second time. “You… you do?”

“Absolutely. Do what you must, Zidane.”

 _Do what you must…_ Those were Kuja’s exact words to me the day before. Something felt off - I was anticipating an epic battle: king vs. queen, man vs. woman, lady vs. tramp, but Dagger hadn’t even _argued_.

“…You’re really okay with this? No fighting?”

Dagger gave me a faint smile. “You always do what you think is right, and that’s why I love you.”

I felt a blush creeping into my cheeks. “Wow… um… I love you, too, but why the sudden change of heart? You were pretty mad at me last night.”

Dagger shrugged. “I had time to think, is all.”

“Really? Just like that?”

Dagger stood and kissed me on the cheek. “Just like that. Now, go keep Freya and Fratley company, I’ll join you three in a moment.”

I couldn't help but grin as I exited the library. _Gods,_ I loved that woman.

;

**A/N: Thanks for reading, everyone! I’m hoping the next chapter will be interesting. I won’t be changing the content of _White Noise_ as much as I changed _Silence_ , but I _will_ be adding some shiny, new material! Hope you enjoy, and I’ll see you all next time!**

**Comments and criticism are welcome!**

**Also, please be sure to check out the amazing fanart[PinkROmantic](http://archiveofourown.org/users/PinkROmantic/pseuds/PinkROmantic) did for _Silence_. I added the art to their respective chapters in _Silence_ , but they can be found on PinkROmantic's Tumblr both [here](http://pinkromantic.tumblr.com/post/119656986059/illustration-for-chapter-3-from-doctorhaifischs) and [here](http://pinkromantic.tumblr.com/post/119658173449/more-fanart-for-the-fanfic-silence-because-why)!**  **Absolutely _stunning_  artwork - this makes me  _so_ happy! Thank you so much!!!**

 


	2. Legend

**A/N: Hey, all! This second chapter is a bit experimental. I know I said I'd keep this story super close to the original – and I will! – but I couldn't help letting the fic run a bit wild here and there. I hope you enjoy! This chapter was really fun to write!**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Final Fantasy IX or any aspect of the Final Fantasy franchise.**

**Chapter 2: Legend**

 

** **

 

_A few years ago, a man named Kuja told me the guardians of Gaia – the so-called Eidolons – were still alive because of legends. According to Kuja, if Gaians stopped sharing stories of the Eidolons, then they would perish._

" _Yes, you keep speaking of these Eidolons." I had dealt with Kuja's ridiculousness all day and was more than a little fed up. "And you've completely filled the queen's head with_ _your nonsense. I would not be surprised to discover the Eidolons were being kept alive by you, and you only! Or are they simply playing the world's largest game of hide-and-go-seek?!"_

_It irritated me that Kuja was so amused by my sarcasm. "The Eidolons live on," he said, flashing me one of his charming smiles. "And you will see them soon enough, my dear Beatrix."_

" _Yes, well, until that day, you are nothing but words."_

_Kuja chuckled and rolled back one of his sleeves to reveal a faint twist of burn scars. "I had both the honor and the misfortune of encountering an Eidolon."_

" _Oh, really?" By that point, I was convinced Kuja was trying to cover up an embarrassing incident with a crock-pot. "Then how did you escape the fearsome Eidolon, hmm?"_

 _Kuja hesitated, tugging his sleeve back down. It was one of the only times I remember seeing even a_ trace _of guilt in his eyes. "…I killed the woman who summoned it."_

 _For all his theatrics, Kuja lived in the shadows. He was a spectacle among the elite, yet by nightfall, not one person knew any more about Kuja than they had before. Even now, the average Gaian is as clueless as they were at the height of the war. A few months back, I overheard a smug duke telling a group of nobles about the time he saw Kuja turn into a dragon. The noblemen and women_   _gasped in astonishment and happily accepted the story. After all, there are few alive who knew enough about Kuja to contradict it._

 _When I first met him, Kuja was just another brainless pretty boy from Treno. As I heard it told, he appeared as if from smoke one day and passed himself off as a tradesman. No one knew who Kuja was or where he'd come from, but he had an endless supply of exotic goods from the Outer Continent. The novelty of Kuja's trade would have worn off, I'm sure, until he began a mysterious partnership with the Lord Brennen, the richest man in Treno. Of course, given the frivolous nature of the elite, even_ that _story may have grown stale, if Lord Brennen hadn't been found brutally murdered in his own bedroom a year later. Some_ _of the gossips claimed Kuja was Lord Brennen's secret lover, while others were convinced he killed Lord Brennen to take control of his auction house. Kuja, it seemed, would take the truth to his grave, but I knew without a doubt he was guilty. Kuja never showed compassion nor remorse for others, and even when I first met him, I was sure Kuja wouldn't so much as_ blink _at the sight of blood_ _running from a wound._

_I speak harshly, yet it's true I worked with Kuja in the early days of the war. We had a rivalry at first, but developed an interesting relationship over time. I thought I knew something of the real Kuja, but there were so many layers of deception, even peeling away small truths failed to expose his core._

_Occasionally, I try to piece together how everything fell apart so quickly. Was it the fault of the queen's burgeoning madness? Or perhaps it was the Alexandrian court, who remained mute on matters of her instability. Perhaps the blame lies with the politicians – cowardly men like the mayor of Dali who let his town become a live weapons factory. Or perhaps the fault lies with me, and all the others who used blind loyalty to rationalize the war._

_Once upon a time, I thought I could blame_ everything _on Kuja, but vilifying him_ _is complicated. In many ways, he was a prototype to his own Black Mages. It was absurd and illogical, but Kuja never pretended to be anything else._

_There is a memory that returns to me, of the time Queen Brahne summoned several financiers from Treno to discuss the mass production of Black Mages. Kuja could have charmed the room, certainly, but given his reputation in Treno, his mere presence was enough to ensure the deal went through. As was all too common in those days, Queen Brahne wished to celebrate the contract with a hefty amount of wine. The festivities ran well into the night, and then out into the gardens. At some point, however, I noticed our ostentatious "guest of honor" had vanished. I didn't trust Kuja, especially when the queen was deep in her third bottle, so I left my soldiers to keep watch while I investigated._

_Kuja was sitting on a mossy rock down by the beach near the harbor. With the sky so dark, the red moon shimmered across the water like blood._

" _There is no_ sense _to this land," said Kuja. Somehow, he always knew when someone was sneaking up on him._

" _Why are you here?" I demanded._

_Kuja ignored me. "In the ratlands, Burmecia is besieged by rain, yet to the west of the city, there is a never-ending sandstorm. And to the east there are caverns of ice beside the swamps. The Mist Continent is baffling."_

_Kuja was certainly right about that one. "I thought you were a weapons dealer, not a geographer."_

_Kuja smirked in the moonlight. "How can I deal weapons if I do not understand the lands I trade in? Besides, I think the absurdity of the Mist Continent is_ fascinating _."_

" _Then you must come from a_ very _boring land."_

" _I come from a_ dead _land," said Kuja flatly. "Where the trees are hollow and the waters are as still as glass."_

" _Do you take me for a fool? There is no such place! Now, are you going to_ _go entertain your little spectacle or not? The queen will grow impatient."_

" _You are fortunate," said Kuja. "To have grown up in the prosperity of Alexandria. I lead a glamorous life in Treno, but it was not until late in my life that I first saw sunlight or rain."_

 _It took all of my power not to grab Kuja by the collar and drag him down off that rock. "Enough with your nonsense,_ Lord King _. There have been travelers to other continents, and they have never spoken of any such place."_

" _They have never been as far as my homeland." Kuja gazed out over the water as a salty breeze blew through his hair. "The landscape is twisted and barren, like broken bones set improperly. The sky is trapped in eternal twilight, and monsters roam the outskirts of our land. I suppose there is a sort of macabre beauty in the decay, but if I had a choice, I would never return to that world again."_

_Kuja looked sad as he turned his gaze to the moons above us._

"… _You told me of this place," I said. "Of a land where a single man chooses the fate of his people._ That _is the land you speak of?"_

" _Yes. Our leader presides over a_ glorious _wasteland."_

" _Then he isn't much of a leader." I moved closer to the water and let it lap gently at my boots._

_Kuja laughed at my words. "I suppose you are right. All that power, yet our leader rules little more than stones and ghosts."_

" _But your people have done nothing to improve their situation. Some responsibility lies with them, too."_

" _My… people…" Kuja said the word as if it left a bad taste on his tongue. "…do not have the ability to change. They are raised to be shortsighted – to follow orders unquestioningly, and to resist personal needs. They are forbidden to leave the village."_

" _That is a dictator you speak of, then, not a leader."_

_Kuja nodded grimly. "I would have to agree."_

" _But if the dictatorship is so powerful, how did_ you _come to be here?"_

 _For a moment, Kuja didn't respond, and I_ _thought I'd finally caught him in a lie._

"… _I was sent out of the village,"_ _he said after awhile. "To educate myself on the outside world. Our leader was angry with me, however, so he forbid me from returning."_

" _You're in exile?!"_

"Willing _exile. I have no interest in returning to that place. There was nothing for me there. Plants cannot grow without rain, and I would have decomposed in the soil along with them. Should I ever lay dying, I think my last thoughts would be of the rain, and how I shall miss it." There was genuine sadness in Kuja's voice._

" _But how did you come to the Mist Continent?" I asked him. At times, I wondered if there were others from Kuja's homeland with powers of equal caliber. It was not a comforting thought._

" _My dragon," said Kuja, pointing towards the distant speck of white flitting through the darkness. "I spent many years roaming the Outer Continent, but it does not have the opportunities that your Mist Continent provides."_

" _I wouldn't be so sure of that. The Mist encroaches farther on our lands every year, forcing villages to rebuild higher and higher to avoid it."_

_Kuja gave me a mysterious look. "What if I told you I knew the source of the Mist?"_

_I returned his look with my driest glare. "That doesn't make any sense, Kuja. Mist has no more 'source' than the wind."_

_Kuja held out his hand as if silently beckoning to the sky. I watched, wary, as wisps of cloud slithered towards his hand like eels from the water. When Kuja drew his arm back, pale smoke was curling about his fingers._

"This _is Mist," he said. "Gathering even_ _here. The Mist is everywhere, pumped through the roots of a great tree on the Outer Continent. I use the Mist as one of the main components in my Black Mages."_

" _What?"_

_Kuja's dragon burst suddenly from the clouds, kicking up sand and dirt and forcing me to shield my eyes. Kuja smiled and held out his hand so the dragon could drop something into his palm like a dog._

" _Thank you, love," said Kuja._

_The dragon landed on the beach with a thud and curled up next to the rock. Upon closer inspection, I realized the object in Kuja's hand was a dead bird._

_"Lovely," I muttered._

_Kuja scrutinized the bird for a moment, and then his palm began to glow. Before my eyes, tendrils of Mist wormed their way into the bird's body. A moment later, its left leg began to twitch._

_I have seen many horrors in my lifetime, yet the moment that bird hopped to its feet, my mouth fell open in shock._

" _What did you do?!" I cried, stumbling away._

" _A demonstration," said Kuja. "Of how I make monsters. Mist is a dangerous substance. They say entire towns have gone mad below the Mistline."_

" _The Burmecians live below the Mistline!"_

" _Their rains dissipate the worst effects of the Mist, though I would not be surprised if their disgusting_ plague _was a consequence."_

" _Kuja, you… you brought that bird back from the_ dead _…" I felt as if the world had been torn from beneath me._

" _No…" Kuja shook his head. "I did not. I cannot tell you if birds have souls in the same manner as Gaians, but if they do, then the bird's soul was lost at the moment of its death. What you see here is a living creature, yes, but nothing more." Kuja flicked his wrist and the bird flew off. His dragon lunged and caught it in her beak a second later._

" _You cannot bring back the dead," said Kuja, reaching up to pat his dragon_ _as she swallowed the bird whole. "Even if a corpse was given a soul, it would not be the same soul as before. The dead can never again be who they once were."_

_I was still reeling from the horror of what I'd witnessed. "It doesn't matter, Kuja…! What you just did was – "_

" _A parlor trick." Kuja shrugged as his dragon curled up beside the rock and yawned. "And that is what my Black Mages are, as well. They are soulless. Disposable." Kuja gave me a sharp look. "So why, then, are you so opposed to their usage? You willingly throw away the lives of your soldiers, yet_ I've  _created living weapons that can take the blade of a sword in_ _their stead. The Black Mages can fall so your women return alive to their families. Why do you insist on acting as though_ I _am the villain of the story?"_

_It was a rare moment in which I, General Beatrix, was left without words._

" _I… I think we see life very differently, Kuja. The Black Mages do not have souls, but they are still_ alive _. They still feel pain, no matter their minds!"_

_For a moment, there was a distant, faraway look in Kuja's eyes. He gazed down at his hands, where the burn scars were visible when his sleeves billowed in the wind._

" _Perhaps…" said Kuja. "But the Black Mages do not have friends nor families to weep over them. Their pain is theirs alone to bear. There is no loss when a Black Mage dies – only oblivion."_

 _It was rare to see Kuja speak so candidly. Ever since the death of his foundling girl, Asha, Kuja had become cold and_ _even malicious at times. Not since the night of Asha's death had I seen_ _such a hopeless look in Kuja's eyes. I think he realized something in that moment: a horrible truth he had tried desperately to deny. Sometimes, I wonder what would have happened if I'd seized that opportunity. Perhaps there had been a chance to remind Kuja of whatever drop of humanity he possessed – a chance to alter the horrific course of events that would soon follow. Perhaps I could have gotten through to Kuja in that moment…_

… _but instead I said: "Men who must convince themselves they are right are the men who, in fact, know they are wrong."_

_Kuja gave me an unexpectedly dark look that sent a chill down my spine. For a moment, I thought he would attack me, but instead, he leaped down from the rock and vaulted onto the back of his dragon. She grumbled in protest, half-asleep. As the beast lumbered to her feet, Kuja gave me a cocky yet strangely self-conscious smile._

" _You have spent your life speaking thusly to fools, General Beatrix. I think you will find that I, however, am not one of them."_

_And then Kuja's dragon lunged into the sky and circled back towards the castle._

_And now, four years after Kuja burned every major city – after he killed Queen Brahne, flooded the planet with Mist, and attempted to destroy every living being – only now do I finally understand why Kuja was so angry. There was so much he denied about his existence. He may not have_ truly _realized the irony of his words until months later, however, when he was forced to face his own mortality. Only then did Kuja realize – or should I say_ admitted to _who he was and what he'd done to the Black Mages. They were him and he was they: disposable. Expendable. Meant to die. Kuja was not created to have compassion, nor had it been taught to him later. Yet no matter how dangerous Kuja was when he was a mindless killing machine, he was at his_ most _dangerous when he became self-aware. Only_ then _did Kuja truly realize what had been denied him._

" _Always so dramatic…" I chuckled and shut the book I was writing in. Calmly returning the quill to the inkpot, I turned in my chair to face the shadow on the windowsill. "Some things never change, I suppose."_

_Kuja's eyes were shining in the darkness. "I could say much the same about you."_

" _Does Zidane know you're gone?"_

" _He will figure it out."_

"… _I have a question…" I crossed my arms over my chest. "…about something you said to me before the war. You said if you ever lay dying, your last thoughts would be of the rain. Was it true…?"_

_Kuja's eyes never left my face. "Zidane told you everything."_

" _Yes."_

_He looked away. "…I never stop thinking about the rain…"_

_I hummed thoughtfully to myself. "Yes, well, now you have many days left to think about it."_

_Kuja's eyes flared. Sensing a confrontation, I changed the subject._

" _You saved Zidane. Several times. I suppose you've earned a little more rain."_

"… _You're as naïve as you ever were, General Beatrix."_

" _Maybe. But if I were any less naïve, I'd be putting a sword through your gut."_

_I waited for Kuja's intentions to reveal themselves, but he simply sat there, staring at the night sky._

"… _Why did you come here, Kuja?"_

"… _I did not have a reason."_

_More so than anyone, I knew when Kuja was lying. "For what it's worth, this doesn't have to be goodbye. Not the way you think."_

_I could see Kuja sneering in the starlight. "Did you miss me, General?"_

" _Are you joking?"_

_Kuja sighed and shook his head. "Sometimes, I wonder if you and I could have been friends, had circumstances been altered."_

" _I doubt it. You're insufferable."_

" _You are hardly the first to think so."_

_I snorted. "So where will you go, Kuja?"_

"… _I do not know. I imagine Zidane will look for me in the Black Mage Village."_

" _And will he find you?"_

"… _eventually."_

_I leaned forward and rested my forearms on my knees. "I told Zidane I wanted you out of the castle, and I meant it."_

_There was a glint of the old danger in Kuja's eyes, as though he was amused by the thought that I, a mere Gaian, could forcibly remove him._

" _Are you prepared to act on that, General?"_

_I turned to one of the desk drawers and withdrew a large, leather-bound book. "A few years ago, you told me the Eidolons existed because of stories, and if the legends were to die, the Eidolons would perish along with them."_

_Kuja narrowed his eyes at me. "What are you getting at?"_

" _Take the book, Kuja. All the pages are empty. Do with them what you will."_

_For a moment, Kuja didn't move. Then, slowly, he edged off the windowsill and approached. Once upon a time, my hand would have flown to my sword, but in the lamplight, I could see his face – his wariness as he accepted the book. In his eyes, I could see a man who had self-destructed, and now all that remained was the shell of a bomb that took everything with it._

This could have been Zidane, _I realized. There had been so little standing between his fate and Kuja's. Had things gone differently, Zidane would have been far more twisted and dangerous; he would have been Garland's perfect soldier – a nightmare unleashed upon Gaia._

_Kuja was watching me carefully. "Why are you doing this?"_

_I shrugged. "Once upon a time,_ I _was the villain of the story. Had I not chosen the princess's life over the queen's, the history books would remember me quite differently. You should consider how the history books might remember_ you _."_

"… _I don't want them to remember me at all…"_

" _I don't believe that for a moment, so stop feeling sorry for yourself."_

_Kuja looked genuinely amused. "Do you use that acid tongue on your husband?"_

" _Don't push me, Kuja. I never said I wouldn't_ eventually _put a sword through your gut."_

_Kuja's eyes glimmered. "I look forward to it."_

_And then he vanished, sweeping the shadows into the spot he'd been standing a mere moment ago._

_Sighing, I picked up my quill and resumed writing_   _my tale._

_;_

_I, Kuja, have nothing to offer this world. There is no knowledge left that I, alone, could share, nor do I possess any wisdom of value. All I have left are the stories of a short and ultimately useless existence._

_There are no Gaians, however, that know of the Crystal as I do. I do not know from whence the Crystal came, nor the reason a planet grew around it. I do not know its purpose in the universe, either. Is it a god, perhaps? Or a consciousness? Does it appear as a crystal because its true form defies our meager understanding? I truly do not know. The Crystal has a mind, however abstract, and within me, I possess the ability to navigate the pathways to seek it. For four years, I tried to understand the Crystal. I begged for mercy, then I begged for punishment; the Crystal would grant me neither. The Crystal_ wanted _something, but I could not understand its meaning. Even as the years passed by in hours, I felt myself slipping into madness._

_Then the Crystal forced me to listen to a story – a horrible story of chaos and hate – and I screamed and struggled. The words were all around me, inescapable. It was only when the story ended that I found myself returned to Gaia, with the knowledge that I could free myself._

_Free myself from_ what _, I had no idea, and the Crystal saw no reason to elaborate. I only knew that the Crystal would set me on the path to freedom, no matter how I resisted. I thought I could move on – that I could forget everything – until a woman who hated me handed me an empty book – and somewhere, in that cacophonous silence, the Crystal_ _began laughing._

 _So I returned to the place of my exile – to the nothing world that had birthed me. Terra's light had been dimming for centuries, but now its Crystal was_ _dying. The blue light was gone, leaving a dark world illuminated by glittering, bioluminescent organisms. It was like walking through the stars in the night sky._

_In the distance, the remains of Bran Bal were glowing faintly. I had destroyed the village, but the technology was organic, and the machinery was already attempting to heal itself. I crossed a darkened bridge and gazed down into the glassy water below. It was black and sparkling. If I had destroyed Gaia's Crystal, their world would have lost its light, too. The flowers would have curled back into the soil, and the animals would have retreated into darkness. The Gaian people would have fallen almost immediately._

_I wondered if Gaia's Crystal could cast its eyes upon Terra. I didn't truly want to know._

_I walked through the ruins of_ _Bran Bal, stepping over broken tubes and shattered machinery. In the darkness lay the remains of a doomed mission, and the burnt husks of our meaningless existence._

_In the tunnels beneath the village, I found the crystals where I spent so many years absorbing information. I ran my fingers along their smooth edges and was surprised to find them glowing faintly at my touch. I wondered what knowledge remained within them, and for a moment, my fingertips blazed with the temptation for more – but no, those days were over. There was nothing of value those crystals could teach me._

_I wandered from the labs and out into the wreckage. It was cold now, and quiet. Dots of white light drifted lazily through the air. I walked to the cliffs along the edge of the village and stared down into the black abyss. I wondered how many Genomes had lost their lives in the fire – how many monsters. I brought Nirmali to Terra the day of its destruction, and left her body behind. She was just one more victim of my fate. Perhaps Garland killed her, or Zidane, but in the end, it was simply knowing me that ended her life. Nirmali was just one more wound for me to bear, one more burden of sorrow. I couldn't save Leutwin… I sent Jane to die… I failed Asha… and I condemned to death the little Black Mage who carried what remained of her existence…_

_In that moment, I resented the book Beatrix gave me. I resented Zidane for nearly ruining his own life to save me, and Queen Garnet for allowing it, and Beatrix for trying to seek value in it. There was nothing that could be attained. I was created for one purpose: ultimate destruction– and I had not even succeeded in that. There was nothing left for me now but to accept my fate._

_My fate…_

_I peered over my shoulder in the direction of Bran Bal. From that distance, I could see the hollowed remains of Garland's observatory. The red, orb-like tower was partially collapsed, and glowing embers of light drifted from its wound. I stood slowly, ash falling from my clothes, and returned to the soulless city. Each step filled me with dread._

Where would he keep such knowledge…? _I wondered as the twisted ruins loomed above me._

 _Inside Pandemonium, near-darkness spiraled towards an even darker sky. Five thousand years of Terran preservation… It was hard to wrap my mind around the absolute waste, that Garland had lurked in this observatory for fifty centuries, alone, with the doomed task of resurrecting the people who'd left him in_ _his own prison. For a moment, I thought I might feel sympathy for Garland. He and I were not so different, in a way. He, too, had been created for no purpose but to complete his task and hand over his body to our civilized parasites._

_Why, then, would he create another to suffer his fate? How could he be so cruel? Perhaps that was the reason for Garland's disdain, that when he looked upon me, he saw the futility of his own existence. I was not a fool, blind to my own hypocrisy; I knew the Black Mages were an echo of my own pitiful creation – but there had been mercy in my design, however twisted. I would never willingly give the Black Mages souls, that they might be aware of their accursed existence. I would not do to them what Garland had done to me. Unfortunately, I had not predicted that the Black Mages would develop awareness on their own. If had known –_

_But no, that was a lie… Even when I realized the Black Mages had awakened, I manipulated them and tossed them aside, just as Garland had done to me. Had I known, somehow, deep in my genetic code, that Garland would discard me? Was there a self-destruct program inside me, woven so deep into my being that I acted subconsciously upon it?_

_In the center of Pandemonium was an organic structure, like a church organ comprised of teeth. In its heart was a red orb – a compressed mind still alive in the dying vessel. I pressed my palm against it and watched it light up at my touch. Voices whispered behind my eyes, and I itched to probe deeper. Mentally, I began reaching into the machine, when suddenly, a voice cut me off._

"Stop!"

_I wrenched my hand away and the light receded. I grit my teeth in frustration._

" _Mikoto…"_

_I could feel her eyes upon me, though she could not physically be there._

" _Leave me alone…!" I hissed._

"Have you learned nothing, Kuja? Why unlock doors you know only lead to darkness? I have knowledge of Garland's fortress. If we work together – "

_Snarling, I slammed my fist down on the machine. Something stirred inside it – a meager pulse that flinched away from my anger._

" _What do you know?!" I shouted, whether at Mikoto or Garland's machinery, I had no idea._

"Kuja, please…" _I was surprised to hear desperation in Mikoto's voice. It was wrong to hear emotion in a Genome. They were supposed to be soulless, mindless,_ merciless _drones; they were supposed to stand like cattle while I suffered!_

_Overcome with rage, I whirled around and threw magic into the walls of the observatory. The ground shuddered as a thin layer of the ancient stones crumbled._

"Please, Kuja…" _Mikoto reached out to me again._ "Terra is dying, and if you remain there, you will die with it. There is still some good that can be gained from the planet if you would let me help you. There is knowledge locked within Pandemonium, but there is also – "

" _Shut up!" I shouted. "Shut_ up! _What do you know of_ good?! _You are just like the others! You think I do not see through you?! I know what Garland bred you to be! I have helped you defeat him, and perhaps now you would use me as he did! What do you seek, Mikoto?! Biological blueprints?! Chemical weapons?! Go on! Live out your legacy!"_

_Though Mikoto was silent, I could feel her shock resonating through my mind. When she finally spoke, there was genuine hurt in her voice._

"Kuja, I… I understand that you have been through something terrible, but please… do not assume the worst of me…"

" _Leave me_  alone! _"_

 _With a cry, I threw a vortex of magic into Pandemonium and_ _cracked a support beam down the middle. Smoke began to fill the air._

" _I am not your ally!" I shouted. "Nor your friend, nor your brother! I am your_ prototype _for a mission that was_ never _going to succeed!"_

"Please, Kuja…"

 _The emotions in Mikoto's voice only fueled my anger, because I knew it was puppetry. I, too, had imitated the Gaians and mistook my theatrics for emotion. What did either of us know of emotion?! Mikoto was a_ fool _to think I did not see through her charade!_

"I do not wish for you to seek sinister knowledge on Terra,"  _she said softly._  "I believe we can start a new mission – forge a new life for the Genomes and the Black Mages - and perhaps there is wisdom hidden in Pandemonium, if you would only let me help y– "

_I clapped my hands over my ears and fell to my knees. "Silence!"_

_The Null Magic washed over me like a shroud. Cloaked in the magical barrier, I hid from Mikoto's sight, where her voice could no longer reach me. Shuddering, I felt_ _my strength_ _leave me. The patterns of light on the walls began to flicker._

_There wasn't much time. The planet sensed my presence, however feebly, and would drag me down with it. Trembling, I crawled back towards the machine and reached weakly for its core. When the orb touched my skin, it glowed less brightly than before._

_Closing my eyes, I let my mind flow through the machine and into the roots of the planet. There were wounds in every direction – dark blots where the labs and the crystals had shut down forever. In a strange way, I lamented their loss – the crystals had been my only teachers, however cold and ineffective. The few semi-conscious reservoirs I found I quickly siphoned. Information shrieked through my mind like a storm._

_The ground shivered and the lights began to phase out. Like ink pouring down a drain, the world around me spiraled into darkness. What had begun as curiosity swiftly turned to revenge._

" _You are a worthless rock!" I shouted to the sky. "A parasite feeding off our very existence!"_

 _All my life I had suffered in the service of Terra – in her great and glorious restoration – and she gave us_ nothing _in return. Now I sucked the energy from Terra, depleting her resources and pushing her towards death. Reaching deep into her core, I felt for her black heart and crushed it. The world dissolved into screams, and I retreated from Terra's veins as they ruptured. Still clutching the red orb in Pandemonium, I squeezed my eyes shut and focused all my power on escaping. The blackness was speeding towards me. With a cry, I wrenched my arm back as a crack of thunder shot through my skull. I stared down at my hand and saw black blood oozing_ _from my fingers. Ash and debris began falling as the tower of Pandemonium crumbled. I staggered backwards, panting, and tried to teleport. My magic failed me. I stumbled to my hands and knees as my energy drained into the black hole where Terra's Crystal_ _had been. My life was still intricately woven into the planet – a failsafe to ensure my mission was completed._

 _With black blood running from my lips, I collapsed to the ground. Even with the knowledge that I was meant to die, the thought of dying at the hands of Terra sent a surge of rage and desperation through me. I screamed in pain but focused every last thought on the years I'd spent alone in the soulless city. I remembered the impassive eyes of the Genomes and my own mind numbing beneath the blue light. I recalled every moment of betrayal as I traveled between worlds and saw for myself everything Gaia provided that Terra could not. I remembered every time I hid in Terra's trees – how I huddled under hollow flora and wrapped myself in meager shadows. I remembered Garland's cold,_ _white eyes as he gazed down upon me, too apathetic to be disappointed. I felt pure hatred – a hatred that erased everything else from my mind._

_And then a blinding light seared my eyes and I staggered back into snow and mud. Tilting my head back, I gaped at the cloudy, gray sky above me. When I fell to my knees, red feathers rained down around me to dot the snow like blood._

_I was back…! I had leaped worlds in ways even_ Garland _could not! As the shock bled away, however, so too, did the last of my strength._

_I caught a brief glimpse of familiar, sandstone ruins rising from the snow before me. I laughed as I recalled my own words to Shamila:_

"The meaning of life is to get to the inevitable  _punch line!_ "

_It was all a joke – it really was – and I laughed and laughed until even my voice had faded._

;

 **A/N: Phew! That was a journey. Hope you enjoyed the ride! Chapter 3 will take us back to our more regularly scheduled programming. The plot can't escape me _that_** **easily! Thanks for reading, and I'll see you all next time!**


	3. Story

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "A tale never loses in the telling..."

**A/N: Hello, again! Sorry for the slight delay! Besides getting derailed by a project, I was also having some computer issues. Thankfully, I was smart enough to back up my documents this time to avoid the disaster I had with the old fic! Crisis averted! Anyhoo, on with the show!**

**;**

**CHAPTER 3: STORY**

To be honest, it doesn't take much for me to have a good day. Hell, sometimes an awesome piece of cake is all I need to have the best day ever. There's one thing better than cake, however, and that's catching up on old times with friends. Dagger and I spent the entire morning with Freya and Fratley, reminiscing about past adventures and gossiping about current events. Of course, Freya also threw in a couple stories about our pub days, which left Fratley wide-eyed, and Dagger muttering, "you are so lucky I married you." So what if I lost all my clothes in a public Tetra card tournament?! I ain't ashamed.

Regardless, it felt amazing to laugh – to  _really_  laugh – and not  _once_  discuss the future. In the months it had taken me to reorganize my life, I'd had a hard time keeping up with my friends. Thankfully, Freya and Fratley had the lowdown on the goings-on. They'd visited Lindblum a month earlier to find Eiko had taken a sudden interest in fashion. Apparently, she was staggering around the palace in oversized dresses and heels and tripping on her face. Fratley, who was normally disgustingly polite, could barely tell the story through his laughter. Dagger hid her smirk behind her hand and gave me an amused look. According to Freya, however, Eiko was hardly Regent Cid's biggest headache. About a year earlier, Quina had officially taken over as the palace's head chef. This meant they were served the most delicious food they'd ever eaten… 95% of the time. The other 5%, they were being served fried insects, un-plucked bird meat, and raw frogs. By that point, Dagger couldn't hold it in any longer and burst out laughing. She actually had to excuse herself from the room. Once she returned, however, the stories continued. Amarant, it seemed, had taken a job near the Treno Gate training spoiled, young noblemen in combat. According to Freya, this was mostly just an excuse for Amarant to punch stuck up, bratty teens in the face. Lani split her time between assisting at the school and traveling the Outer Continent in search of exotic weapons and armor. Everyone's lives, it seemed, were going  _really_  well. I honestly couldn't have been happier. It was so much better than cake.

By mid-afternoon, Freya and Fratley had to catch their ship, so they waved goodbye and departed for the docks. Before they left, however, Freya gave me an unexpected and very un-Freya-like hug.

"Take care of yourself, Zidane," she whispered. "No crazy adventures until you pay me back that bar tab."

"Hell, I'll  _buy_  you a bar."

Freya chuckled as I patted her awkwardly on the back. Dagger watched us with an amused grin.

Once Freya and Fratley were gone, however, I had my own journey to attend to. We wanted to keep my travels low-key, so I secretly hopped a wagon headed for Dali's airship docks. Rumors spread fast in Alexandria, and I certainly didn't need people thinking something was amiss. Y'know…  _again_.

Before I set off, however, Dagger gave me a kiss and whispered, "I made some additional arrangements with the airship."

I pulled back with a fearful look. "Uh… what's  _that_  supposed to mean?" Trust me, I know firsthand how creative women can get with their punishments, and no matter what Dagger said, I refused to believe she was 100% over our argument.

"Oh, don't give me that look!" Dagger laughed and shoved me in the chest. "It's a gift for the Black Mage Village! Tell them I miss them dearly, and that I will visit as soon as possible!"

Grinning, I gave Dagger another kiss. "Stop being so perfect!"

In truth, the airship we arranged was little more than a cargo taxi en route to Esto Gaza. Due to the ship's small size, however, there were only two crewmembers: a pilot and a co-pilot. The idea was to avoid a crowd that could rat me out, but  _just_  to be sure, I paid the pilot a hefty sum of money for his silence. He was a disheveled young man in desperate need of a bath, but he insisted the smell was coming from the six chocobos pecking around in the cargo hold. The stinky birds were Dagger's gift to the Black Mage Village.

Of course, chocobos are hardly the only way to travel, and airships had become  _super_  awesome during the four years I spent in La-La Land. Thanks to steam power, the journey to the Outer Continent only took two-and-a-half days, and the pilot insisted they'd have their cargo delivered to Esto Gaza by the end of the week.

As the coastline rolled beneath the ship, however, it got surprisingly chilly out on the deck. Large streaks of white crept across the ocean from the shore. I quickly slipped back into the cockpit

"It's all snowy out there…" I muttered.

"Sure is." Straddled casually in front of the steering wheel, the pilot scratched at the blonde stubble on his chin. "Ever since that ugly tree fell apart, been some pretty strange changes 'round here." In the seat next to him, the co-pilot nodded solemnly in agreement.

Six months had passed since my return to Gaia, plus another four years since the Iifa Tree was destroyed… Hard to believe we were  _still_  seeing the effects on the weather.

"So how long's the snow been goin' on?" I asked.

The pilot shrugged, resting his forearm between the spokes of the wheel. "It comes and goes, but this last season's been a doozy."

"Can't be good for the locals…"

"They adapt. Them Conde Petie Dwarves, they figured out how t' grow food indoors, like in glass buildings that heat up like summer. Them Dwarves are clever, but they sure are weird."

" _So_  weird," agreed the co-pilot.

"But the snow'll clear up mid-spring for sure." The pilot glanced over his shoulder to give me a strange look. "Beggin' yer pardon, but where you been these last five years? …Your Majesty," he added with a subtle eyeroll.

I figured La-La Land wasn't a sufficient answer. "Oh, uh… I guess I just don't travel much."

"Not like a guy like you's gotta travel…" The pilot sighed. "A young thief from Lindblum windin' up in cahoots with a princess and getting' tangled up in a war – and then when the world comes crashin' down, he vanishes for years, just to pop up outta nowhere and take the Alexandrian crown. That is  _some_ story."

"…So you heard all that, huh?" I awkwardly scratched the back of my head. I honestly had no idea what people did or didn't know about my involvement in the war. "So… what have you heard specifically…?"

"Oh, all sorts a crazy things." The pilot shrugged. "They say Princess Garnet finally lost it with the queen, and then somethin' somethin' somethin', Queen Brahne's dead and half the Mist Continent is gone."

At least he didn't know the whole thing started as a royal  _kidnapping_ … paid for by  _Regent Cid_. Some conspiracies are best left in the vault.

"Queen Brahne…" The pilot shook his head suddenly in thought. "Talk about yer natural disaster. You was originally from Lindblum, right?"

At least, that's what I told people. "Yup. Theatre District. I can still steer ya to all the best pickle stands."

The pilot snorted. "Yeah, see, people like me, I was born and raised in Dali, y'know, and bein' a territory of Alexandria, Queen Brahne was my queen from day one. She was nutters, anybody could tell ya that, but she was a  _nice woman_."

"A  _very_  nice woman…" agreed the co-pilot.

"But we Alexandrians, we really thought we knew Queen Brahne. After her dad died, she was queen for twenty-seven years.  _Twenty-seven years_  and she never  _once_  gave us a reason t' hate 'er. She and the king, they was  _always_  fair –  _always_  lookin' out for the little people. How the queen went from  _that_ , to blazin' hellfire 'cross the continent, you'd a thought somebody swapped 'er brain with a Grand Dragon. It was a sad day when us Alexandrians were  _relieved_  to hear she died. Just ain't right." The pilot shook his head sadly.

"Ain't right at all…" said the co-pilot.

"She… she wasn't herself towards the end…" I said cautiously.

"Mhmm… so they say. Some people tell ya it was the plague that scrambled 'er brains, but others say she fell in with a bad crowd. Some o' them politicians and rich people, they was  _real_  quick to take advantage of her sickness – rich people like that auction house guy. The one that became her advisor."

"Lord King." The co-pilot chewed absently on a toothpick as a stream of clouds ghosted past the front window. "Had a layover in Treno when that unpleasantness first went down. Ya ask me, Lord Brennen got what he deserved, that greedy, shit-faced  _bastard_."

I tried not to look surprised, but the pilot burst out laughing. "Ah, you just mad 'cause you get yer ass kicked outta Lord Knight's gamblin' tourney!"

"I won fair and square!" The co-pilot spat out his toothpick. "That Lord Brennen was a cheat and a sore loser! Shoulda seen 'im that night, all red-faced and smackin' around that poor escort he was showin' off. So I got up in his face and I said, 'you hit that girl  _one more time_  – !'"

" – And he tossed yer ass on the streets like a common beggar!" The pilot couldn't stop laughing. I, on the other hand, knew enough about Lord Brennen to find the story terrifying.

"You're lucky he didn't have you killed!" I cried.

"Why? You ever tangoed with Lord Brennen?"

I tried to think back on my earlier days in Treno, but Baku had explicitly forbidden any attempts on Brennen's wealth. "No way. I valued my life. I didn't go near the auction house until it was already under Lord King. That guy had  _terrible_  security."

"Lord King…" The co-pilot snorted and shook his head. "I never understood it. I mean, don't get me wrong, I was out celebratin' with the rest o' the industry the night Brennen died, but how the hell was Lord King any better? The nobles  _adored_  him, but I thought he was a total spook. Whenever he signed off on the delivery papers, his eyes froze my blood. Dunno why Queen Brahne ever got mixed up with 'im."

The pilot furrowed his brows. "Yeah, I saw 'im too, coupla times I went to Treno. He looked like a total ponce with the makeup and the snooty clothing, but there was somethin' about 'im that made sure ya knew he was a right scary bastard. He always had this look on his face like he was completely disgusted with everyone in the room."

I may have laughed a little too loudly at that.

"So is it true?" The pilot gave me a sidelong glance. "What they say 'bout you two?"

"Uh… what do they say…?"

"You took 'im on at the end, when everything went all apocalyptic up by the Iifa Tree. Had a full-on battle."

"Oh…" I scratched the back of my head. "Yeah, I guess you could say that."

The pilot whistled. "No wonder Queen Garnet married you, seein' as how Lord King killed 'er mother."

"Ain't  _no_  proof o' that." The co-pilot jabbed his finger in the air for emphasis. "The way they tell it in the bars, Queen Brahne was killed by a misfirin' weapon. It was a cannon that took down 'er ship, but it was  _irony_  that killed 'er."

"Pickled shit," the pilot grumbled. "That's the kinda garbage they  _want_  you to believe. Even my fool  _mother_  knows Lord King did t' her what he did t' Lord Brennen."

"Ain't  _no_  proof o' that neither!" The co-pilot sat back in his seat with a huff. "I believe in a  _fair system_ , an' I say innocent until proven guilty! Doesn't matter how much a bastard somebody is!"

"And he was a  _huge_  bastard," I said for the hell of it.

"Yeah, well, ain't like he's ever gonna get his day in court." The pilot glared out the window as if it was the sky's fault. "He's dead, ain't he? Must be, else Queen Garnet woulda had 'im executed. I mean, killin' the queen of Alexandria is a pretty big deal…"

"Yeah, he's dead, ain't he?" The co-pilot turned to stare at me, too.

"Uh… Well, things went nuts when the Iifa Tree was collapsing," I said truthfully. "And Kuja – uh, Lord King – was in the thick of it, so… he probably died, yeah."

The pilot and the co-pilot gave each other a doubtful look.

"…So…" After an awkward pause, the pilot pulled up on the steering wheel to start our descent. "You said you wanted to get dropped off by the Dead Forest?"

"Yeah, anywhere's fine."

"Goin' to visit that weird little village?"

I nearly fell over in surprise. "Wait, what village…?"

"The village in the forest!" The pilot rolled his eyes as if it was the most obvious thing in the world. "The one with the pointy-hats and the monkey kids!"

"I… I didn't know people knew about them…" Since when was the Black Mage Village on the map…?

The pilot shrugged. "Those little buggers been roamin' outta the forest lately. Totally freaked me out first time I saw 'em. Bein' from Dali, my brother was manufacturin' those little murderers durin' the war. I about shit my pants seein' one walkin' about like it was a normal Tuesday, but everyone insists they're harmless. No offense, Your Majesty, but I figured you wanted to go to the village 'cause, y'know…" He gave my tail a pointed look.

_Oh…_

"Yeah, the blond hair and the tail – you got some distant cousin in town?"

"Uh…"

The pilot burst out laughing "Don't you worry, Ya' Highness, I already took your money, I ain't gonna kiss an' tell."

Truthfully, it didn't matter if anyone found out I was a Genome, but still…

"Alright, that's the Dead Forest down there," the pilot announced as the ship dipped towards the trees. "You sure you're okay bein' dropped off?"

"Yeah, it's fine."

"I mean, you're the king and stuff, so it's your call, but don'tcha need guards and escorts and what have ya?"

"Hey, I've sparred with General Beatrix. I can handle myself." No one had to know I'd lost every single fight.

The pilot gently lowered the ship into the snow on the outskirts of the forest. When he released the hatch, cold air gusted inside.

"This is as far as I can take ya."

"You guys are lifesavers." I stood up and stretched my back until it popped. Two-and-a-half days was really impressive compared to the Mist-run ships of old, but it was still two-and-a-half days cooped up in a small space with smelly chocobos.

"So… how are ya plannin' on gettin'  _back_  to Alexandria?" asked the co-pilot.

"Oh, uh… I won't need a ride back."

"Huh?"

"I'll figure it out."

The pilot shrugged and pulled the lever to release the ramp from the hatch. I hopped down into the fresh snow and moved around the back of the airship to release the chocobos. They stumbled down the ramp and waited patiently while I leashed them. They were surprisingly cooperative, until one of them head-butted me in the face.

"No! Bad chocobo!"

"You good?!" The co-pilot stuck his head out the back door to see what I was up to. I was in the process of trying to put a leash around a chocobo's neck while it chewed on my hair.

"Yup! No problems here!"

"Good. Well… have a nice family reunion!"

The co-pilot laughed his ass off when I fumbled in surprise. By the time I turned around, however, the ship was vanishing back into the clouds.

The Outer Continent was colder than expected, and I was wearing a flimsy vest instead of a jacket. It felt weird, trudging into the Dead Forest with a bunch of chocobos. I knew the way, of course, but the solitude combined with the howling wind made the Dead Forest actually seem dead for once. It was still and quiet in the trees, but I knew if I walked straight, I'd find the first fork in the path. I just had to pray the owls hadn't turned into popsicles, or I'd be walking in a magical loop for hours.

A good ten minutes had passed when I heard a rustling in the trees. I paused, tail quivering, and a shadow dropped down beside me. I leaped backwards and whipped out one of my daggers.

"Hey – !"

"Zidane!"

I nearly slumped over in relief at the sight of the Genome. He was wrapped in a thick cloak of owl feathers, and his tail was wagging happily.

"It's so good to see you!"

"Good to see you too, buddy!"

"But why do you have so many chocobos…?"

"They're a gift from the queen!" I stepped aside and beamed proudly.

The Genome's eyes widened. "They're for  _us?!_ "

"Yup! All yours!" The otherwise cheerful moment was ruined by the fact that two of the chocobos were having a swordfight with their beaks.

"That is so generous!" the Genome cried.

"Yeah, well, you know Dagger. So… what's goin' on…?"

"I was hunting for birds." The Genome pulled a crossbow down from a strap over his shoulder.

"Whoa!" I exclaimed. "That thing's intense!"

The Genome grinned as he handed it towards me for inspection. "Have you come to the Black Mage Village for a reason?"

"Well, I  _always_  wanna visit, but I was also here to check up on something. Do you know if Kuja showed up in the village at any point?"

The Genome furrowed his brow. "Kuja…? No, we have not seen him since you left."

"Oh…" My stomach sank. "And Mikoto hasn't heard from him?"

"I'm afraid I do not know." The Genome looked adorably sheepish.

"Welp, looks like I gotta go talk to Mikoto, then." I handed back the crossbow.

"I'll guide you to the village," said the Genome. "The owls have been somewhat unpredictable lately. When a man from a nearby village came to trade, the owls intentionally led him down the wrong path until he bribed them with food. Mikoto was angry, but I thought it was quite amusing."

"No, that's  _hilarious_. So… what's your name?"

The Genome smiled up at the canopy of snow as we made our way through the forest. "Sorin. Mr. 102 named me before he stopped."

My stomach sank even lower.  _…Another Black Mage… gone…_  Soon, there would only be a handful left, and the survivors wouldn't last much longer. Mikoto was working on "cloning" the Black Mages to keep up the population, but so far, it hadn't improved their life expectancy.

"Sorry to hear about Mr. 102…" I said.

"Yes, I was very sad when he died, but Mr. 102 led a good life, and I'm happy to carry on the name he gave me.

"It's a nice name," I said. "But did any of you already have names on Terra?"

Sorin shook his head. "No, I do not believe so. Kuja numbered the Black Mages, but Garland did not have any system in place. He rarely ventured into Bran Bal, and he rarely spoke to us unless to give orders."

"Yeah, he was a real doll." I kicked lightly at the snow. "So, how are things?"

"Quite good!" Sorin beamed. "We have had lots of visitors from other villages. They are  _very_  interesting to talk to. A man from Tolu taught me how to use the crossbow."

"That's great! You guys have come a long way!"

"Well, we have had such great examples to follow. Mikoto is so wise, and she knows many things. Anything she doesn't know, she learns quickly, and shares with the rest of the village. Most of us try to be more like Mikoto, or you, or Kuja."

I snorted. "Kuja? Really…?"

Sorin nodded, oblivious to my amusement. "Yes, absolutely. He was the first of the Genomes to come to Gaia. He knew nothing of its people, or its customs. He had to learn everything on his own, and became one of the most influential men on the planet. Even if Kuja became a bad man at the end, he was incredibly brave. When we first arrived on Gaia, all I wanted to do was hide. Everything was frightening to me, even the color of the plants, or the sounds of the birds in the trees. Whenever I felt afraid, however, I remembered how much harder it must have been for Kuja, and how he overcame that fear. Even the Gaians could not tell he was from another world. If  _he_  could become like a Gaian, then so could I."

"Huh." I scratched my head thoughtfully. "Never really thought about it that way. You're right, of course, just… don't turn into a psychopath."

"A what?"

"I'll tell you when you're older."

Gradually, the path through the trees took a familiar turn. At a fork in the road, several owls blinked down at us and hooted.

"Don't even think about it!" I shouted, shaking a fist. One of the owls clicked haughtily and fluffed its feathers. "Buncha comedians…"

Once we'd passed through the barriers, the Black Mage Village emerged through the trees. The village looked a little deserted, thanks to the cold, but there were still a few Genomes and Black Mages in coats busily tending to frostbitten gardens and roofs. As soon as we appeared, the villagers snapped to attention like a bunch of dogs hearing the word "treats."

"Zidane!" one of the Black Mages cried. "You have come to visit!"

I held out my arms in greeting as a small crowd gathered around me. "Hey, guys!"

One of the Genomes turned and scampered back down the road. "I'll get Mikoto!"

"Mr. Zidane, you must be freezing!" A Black Mage tugged at my vest in dismay.

"You should come inside, Mr. Zidane!"

"There is tea at the inn!"

"Did you come here in an airship?!"

"Why do you have so many chocobos?!"

"Zidane…?"

Mikoto parted the crowd as she strolled towards us. Several other Genomes trailed curiously behind her.

"Hey, Mikoto!" I grinned. In return, she gave me one of her steely looks.

"Why have you come?"

"Glad to see you, too, sis."

Mikoto had that look on her face that she gets when she's already tired of my shit. Nonetheless, she gestured for me to follow. "Come to my place, Zidane, you are foolishly dressed as usual."

"Wow, okay. Didn't realize this was a fashion contest."

I handed the chocobos off to one of the Black Mages (they fully cooperated with  _him_ , the traitors) and waved cheerfully at the crowd. By the time we made it to Mikoto's hut, the sun was setting. The hut was a bit cold, even with the fire, but it was a huge relief to be out of the wind. Everything looked exactly as I remembered it. There was a circular table, some chairs, and two doors leading to smaller rooms. Mikoto busied herself making tea while I threw myself down at the table.

"Feels weird bein' back here," I muttered. "By the way, Kuja's an asshole."

"Yes, I know."

"I didn't even finish my sentence."

"There was no need to."

"Mikoto, is that… is that a  _sense of humor_  I'm detecting…?"

My sister ignored me. "When did Kuja disappear?"

"Wait, how did you know he disappeared? Did he tell you? Where  _is_  he?"

"I do not know where he is, but I  _do_  know where he  _was_." Mikoto slammed the teakettle on the burner a little too roughly. "Unfortunately, Kuja has cut me off."

"Huh? How?"

"Some kind of Null magic, I believe. I cannot speak with him, nor sense where he is."

"That bastard," I grumbled. "Why the hell would he do that?"

Mikoto set one of the cups down in front of me, poured some tea, and pulled up a chair. "You have been back for many months, Zidane, but for Kuja, it is as though the battle just ended."

"Yeah, but that doesn't mean he has to act like a loony. I was pretty befuddled when I came back, but I didn't use it as an excuse to run away."

"You are not Kuja. I have not known either of you for very long, but that much is clear. You seek the company of others, and Kuja does not. I suspect this is in part because you grew up among the Gaians, and he grew up in isolation."

I took a cautious sip of tea. "So did you, but you seem to be getting along just fine. Or are you just  _pretending_  you can stand me?"

Mikoto didn't dignify that with a response. "I was created as Kuja was, with a body older than my chronological age. I did not live on Terra nearly as long as he did, and thus, the transition has been smoother. I do not believe he encountered an individual besides Garland for many years."

"Twelve," I said automatically. "He was twelve when he came to Gaia."

Mikoto nodded solemnly. "Before I met you, I did not have an opinion one way or another, but now that I have spent time on Gaia, I admit I cannot imagine twelve years of isolation. Kuja seems naturally predisposed to feelings of frustration and anger, as well. It must have been terrible for him."

I tried not to think back on the memories I'd seen of Kuja's childhood. "…Yeah… So, uh, you said you knew where Kuja  _was?_ "

"Before he shielded himself from view, he was on Terra."

"Terra?! Doing  _what?!_ "

"Searching through Pandemonium. I realized this when I sensed a strange interference coming from Gaia's core."

"Why would he be searching Pandemonium…?"

"I do not know, but… it seemed he was seeking information."

Mikoto looked surprisingly uncomfortable as she cradled the cup of tea in her hands. It was weird seeing her so hesitant. Normally, Mikoto said any damn thing that popped into her head.

"Information on  _what?_ " I prompted.

"…I suspect he sought answers about himself. Kuja thought he could discover how long he had left before he was meant to expire."

Suddenly, I felt cold again. "…Oh. Did… did he find what he was looking for…?"

For the first time in her life, Mikoto refused to meet my eyes. "No. The answer does not exist anywhere on Terra."

"How do you know?"

Mikoto stared at a random spot on the floor. "You will think me wicked."

I was so taken-aback, my mouth fell open in shock. Mikoto was always brutally honest, but she was never  _concerned_  about it.

"Uh, Mikoto? Our brother started a war, killed tens of thousands of people, burned down a planet, attacked the source of all life on Gaia, temporarily destroyed reality, and thought  _Wishing Upon a Star_  was a decent play. Trust me, it's not. I had to be the lead in it, like, thirty times. So in light of  _all that,_  I kinda doubt anything you do would make me think you're 'wicked.'"

Mikoto shook her head. "You cannot measure the weight of sins upon unequal scales."

"Okay, then lay it on me. What'd you do?"

Mikoto ran her thumb along the edge of her teacup. "…I was created as a backup for both yourself and Kuja. You had been gone a long time, and so Garland believed you dead or lost. He also believed Kuja would fall prey to emotional weaknesses. When Garland realized the two of you had crossed paths, however, he suspected Kuja would betray him. Originally, Garland planned to eliminate Kuja before he could corrupt you, and when Kuja was dead, I would be sent to Gaia to bring you home and educate you on our mission. When Garland realized Kuja survived the attempt on his life, however, it was correctly assumed that Kuja would return to Terra for revenge. I was made to wait in Bran Bal and cleanse vast reservoirs of knowledge in case Kuja managed a successful attack. I… I destroyed virtually all evidence of his existence. Garland did not want future Terrans to replicate a failure, so nearly all knowledge of Kuja's life – and death – were eradicated forever…"

There was a ringing silence at the end of Mikoto's story. The wind howled against the windowpane.

"Mikoto… c'mon, you can't blame yourself for something like that… You were under orders, and you had no reason to think you were doing anything wrong."

"I didn't want to do it…" Mikoto said miserably. "But not for Kuja's sake. I didn't want to do it because I mourned the loss of the data. I did not care one way or another what happened to Kuja – or anyone."

"You were a different person back then. You didn't know anyone but Garland, and you had no reason to think Kuja would even be  _alive_  by the time Garland was done with Alexandria."

"Nonetheless, it is  _my_  fault we cannot know Kuja's fate, yet the thing that weighs most heavily on my shoulders is the fact that I did not tell him." Mikoto closed her eyes. "I should have told him what I'd done, but I could not bring myself to admit the truth. I… I did not want him to hate me. Now it seems he hates me regardless."

"He doesn't hate you," I said. "Trust me, we've seen what it looks like when Kuja hates. Maybe he's frustrated or upset, but if he's not blowing stuff up, then it's not hatred."

For some reason, Mikoto's face fell. "Look outside, Zidane."

"Huh?"

Mikoto gestured silently towards the window. Frowning, I rose from my seat and went to lean against the windowsill. When I saw the night sky, however, I nearly fell over in shock. There were two moons, but all the red had bled from Terra. It was nothing but a dull, empty rock in space.

"…What the  _hell…?_ "

"Terra's death was long in coming." Mikoto casually sipped at her tea as if her entire home world hadn't just blown out like a candle. "It was a slow death, over thousands of years."

"But Kuja – "

" – most likely ended the planet in his rage. I do not think he was capable of moving on knowing Terra existed."

I craned my neck for a better view of the sky. "I didn't realize Kuja had that much  _power_  without Trance…"

"Kuja is  _incredibly_  powerful. You and I have our own abilities, but neither of us has had the time nor the personal desire to attain Kuja's skill level. Garland considered Kuja a defective soldier, but he was too wrapped up in his own agenda to realize what Kuja was capable of."

"So… if Kuja was on Terra, and Terra's dead… then the Shimmering Island portal…?"

"It's not as simple as that," said Mikoto. "When a planet's Crystal dies,  _all_  life on the planet dies with it."

Chilled, I turned away from the window. "Wait, you don't think… you don't think Kuja  _died_ , do you…?"

"There is no way to know," said Mikoto sadly. "Either Kuja escaped, or he intentionally ended his life."

"No way." I shook my head. "There's  _no way_  Kuja let himself die on Terra. He hated that place more than he hated pants. No matter how nutty Kuja is, he would  _never_  let himself die on Terra."

"…I hope you're right…" said Mikoto. "Yet at the same time, I fear what he may have become. I know Kuja did not find the answers he sought on Terra, yet he tapped into wells of dangerous information. There was much I did not destroy, either because of future necessity, or lack of time."

"You think Kuja will go back into 'bad guy' mode?"

"It seems a reasonable concern."

Mikoto was giving me one of her soul-probing stares. I had no idea how to respond. I glanced up at the pale, dead moon hanging overhead. Unfortunately, it didn't have any answers for us, either. Kuja was alive, or he wasn't. There was literally nothing we could do.

"You can stay here," said Mikoto, as if reading my thoughts.

"Oh, thanks. Cool. Yeah, who knows, maybe Kuja'll just... turn up."

"Perhaps. Kuja is, after all, a very rational person."

I blinked. "Mikoto, was that… was that  _sarcasm?_ "

Mikoto shrugged. "I suppose you could technically refer to it as –  _Zidane !_ " She cried out as I threw my arms around her. "What are you doing?!"

"My little sister is learning sarcasm!"

Hey, if you can't laugh in the face of worlds ending and familial tragedy, then what  _can_  you do…?

;

**A/N: Indeed! Thanks for reading, y'all, and I'll see you for chapter 4!**


	4. Echo

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Nobody can run forever...

**A/N: Okay, I am _so_ sorry for the delay on this chapter. This last month was a nightmare, and then on top of all that, I rewrote this chapter about five times. I really hope it turned out okay. To make up for the wait, this chapter is extra long!**

**Disclaimer: I don’t own Final Fantasy IX or its characters or anything related to the Final Fantasy franchise.**

 

**CHAPTER 4: ECHO**

 

 

_“Get up, damnit!”_

_Someone was nudging me in the side with their boot. Reasonably irritated, I ignored it, but the bothersome behavior continued._

_“I said, ‘get_ up! _’ Are you deaf, or just stupid?!”_

How rude _._

 _“If you really_ are _Zidane’s brother, then I’m just going to assume you’re stupid!”_

 _I should have been wondering how my pest knew intimate details about Zidane, but I was distracted by the realization that history would remember me as “that idiot’s brother.” Amazing how Zidane can ruin even my_ legacy _without lifting a finger. At least I could revel in the fact that Gaia’s history books would henceforth contain a post-war chapter entitled “The Buffoon King.”_

_Cracking open an eye, I squinted at the hazy sunset. The wind felt cold and dusty, as if I’d fallen back in time. Propping myself up, I watched snowflakes flutter through the air._

_“Nice of you to join the party, Lord King! Fashionably late as always, I see.”_

_I turned my eyes from the horizon to find an astonishingly beautiful woman standing above me, glaring. Snowflakes dusted her dark hair, and her lips were turned up in a sneer. The woman leaned on the handle of an axe almost as large as she was._

Well, well, well… _I mused._ Lani the Bounty Hunter…

 _Wincing, I dragged myself to my feet and calmly brushed the snow off my cloak. “If I recall correctly,_ you _have been ‘fashionably late’ for every event that does not end in a ‘reward.’”_

_Lani snorted. “That’s cute, Kuja. Y’know, there’s fashionably late, and then there’s disappearing off the face of the planet for four-and-a-half years with your tail between your legs.”_

_I honestly had no idea if Lani was using a figure of speech, or if she actually knew I had a tail. I gave her a perplexed look, which she returned with one of equal confusion._

_What did it matter? It was cold, and Lani was wasting my time._

_“You had best be on your way, bounty hunter,” I muttered. “I am not here to cause harm, nor am I interested in idle chatter.”_

_Lani sneered. “Yeah, sure, and I’m the Queen of Alexandria – who, by the way, is about to receive your head on a platter.”_

_I took a moment to reflect on how strange Lani looked, dressed in a thick, fur-lined coat instead of her usual hunter’s clothing. I could recall a time, many years ago, when Lani attended one of my galas. It was the only time I ever saw her wear something “fancy” by her standards._

_It’s a rather interesting story, actually… It was during the final weeks before the war. The seeds were planted, and while Queen Brahne made final deliberations, I returned to Treno to keep an eye on politics. The easiest way to do so was to host extravagant parties and wait for the nobles to get drunk. At the time, one of the noblemen who frequented my parties was a man named Lord Edric, a rich merchant who supplied exotic items for auction. Edric, you see, was one of the few Gaians who could afford the horrific expense required to travel beyond the Mistlands, where airships could no longer function. Needless to say, our partnership was… tense – and perhaps a tad parasitic. Until I first appeared in Treno, Edric had a monopoly on the distribution of foreign wears, most of which he sold to Lord Brennen. Once I began work in the auction house, I became a threat to Edric’s livelihood. Not only could I supply products from the Outer Continent with minimal effort, I was_ from _the Outer Continent – or so the nobles believed. Edric was convinced I was a fraud, so he bided his time, skulking in the shadows and waiting for the moment Lord Brennen would inevitably dispose of me. How awkward it was for Lord Edric when Brennen died and left his entire estate in my possession. I could have done away with Edric, I suppose, but it was far more entertaining to watch him squirm._

_The day this story unfolded, I was hosting yet another party. Edric had just returned from a month at sea, and I prayed he would be too tired to make an appearance. Unfortunately, Lord Edric was not unlike a splinter._

“Lord King, there is someone you _must_ meet!”

I turned to find Edric wading towards me in the sea of nobles. Trailing behind him was a beautiful woman. Her face alone was stunning, but most of the guests were focused on other parts of the woman’s body, which were barely concealed by a dress of sheer, colorful sashes.

“Lord Edric!” I exclaimed. “Who is this stunning creature?!”

“The name’s Lani.” The woman spoke up before Edric could introduce her. “And you’re this Lord King I keep hearing about…?”

I smiled, genuinely amused. With preparations for the war underway, I’d grown weary of my life in Treno. If Lani could make the night more interesting, then I certainly intended to keep her around.

“I am, indeed, Lord King.” I nodded politely. “Delighted to meet you.”

“She hails from the Outer Continent.” Edric leaned in as if to tell a great secret. “I thought the two of you would have _much_ to talk about.”

“That was very thoughtful of you.” I gave Edric a thin smile. The nobles at the party had never met a foreigner besides myself, and I had always presented myself in a most gracious manner. Lani, on the other hand, was half-dressed and coarse. Edric knew the nobles would gossip, and he meant to embarrass me. The last thing I needed was for the upper crust to associate my supposed heritage with any sort of “savagery.”

“I’ll leave you two alone.” Edric grinned and disappeared before I could stop him. I amused myself by imagining a chandelier crashing down on his head, but sadly, it was not meant to be.

“So, you’re not from the Mist Continent?” Lani was looking me up and down with a doubtful look. “I’ve never seen anyone back home that looks like you. Where do you come from?”

“I confess I am from no place in particular. I moved frequently, so I do not have any one place I can call home.”

Lani was staring almost hungrily at the rich décor as she grabbed a glass of wine from a passing servant. “Well, it looks like you’ve made quite a home for yourself here.”

“Indeed. The Mist Continent is full of opportunity. May I ask for what reason _you_ came here?”

Lani shrugged, swirling the wine in her glass. “Adventure, I guess. See new places, try new things…”

“Well, you will find plenty of that here. Treno is a bit of an oddity, even for the Mist Continent.”

Lani gave me a sly look. “If you’re so knowledgeable about this place, maybe you could help me bridge the gap, so to speak.”

Something in Lani’s voice gave me pause, and there was a strange tension in the air. I decided to play along. “I would be more than happy to escort a young songbird such as yourself around the manor.”

“Songbird? _You’re_ the one with the feathers. Do you talk to _all_ the girls like this?”

“Only the pretty ones.”

Lani laughed and accepted my arm. “Men. You’re all the same.”

I gave my exotic guest a brief tour, pointing out various fineries and introducing her to curious partygoers. I was not going to give Edric the satisfaction. Let the fools gossip – what did I care? If all went according to plan, most of my guests would be dead within the month.

Eventually, I led Lani to one of the mansion’s private verandas and discreetly locked the door. The air was warm, and the stars were veiled by clouds. When Lani set her glass on a marble dais, I noticed she had only pretended to drink.

“So it’s _always_ nighttime here?” Lani gripped the balcony’s railing to peer down at the fountain in the garden.

“Yes, it’s forever dark in Treno. I have lived on the Mist Continent for seven years, yet this region never ceases to baffle me.”

“Seven years…” Lani shook her head as she tucked a strand of dark hair behind her ear. “Honestly, I thought you’d been here longer. You seem like any other nobleman.”

“You are the first person to ever accuse me of being ordinary.” I chuckled as I moved to stand by the railing. Lani rolled her eyes.

“That’s not what I meant.”

She had a hand on her hip, I noticed, and the sash around her waist parted right where her fingertips were resting. Mirroring Lani’s casual pose, I leaned against the railing to face her.

“So, how much is Lord Edric paying you?”

Lani nearly choked in surprise. “ _Excuse_ me?!”

“Answer the question, Lani.”

“A-are you – are you calling me a _whore?!_ ”

Lani meant to mislead my suspicions, but when it came to deception, I was the king.

“Do not play dumb with me, Lani. You know _exactly_ what I’m talking about. How much is Lord Edric paying you to kill me?”

Lani’s mouth hung open. Then silver flashed through the air. Any other man would have lost their nose, but I caught Lani’s wrist and twisted it until the dagger fell from her fingers. I expected her to cry out in pain, but she merely leveled me with a smoldering glare.

“Let. Me. Go.”

“Not until you answer my question. How much money did Edric promise that convinced you to travel across the ocean to kill me?”

I released Lani as her free hand lashed out with another dagger. I jerked backwards in time to avoid a nasty cut, but the blade tore the front of my shirt right open. Lani lunged again, but a weak thunder spell caused her to collapse back against the railing. I seized the bounty hunter by the hair and yanked her head back over the bannister.

“Enough!”

Lani sneered despite the pain in her eyes. “Go on. I dare you.”

I leaned down until we were almost nose-to-nose. “You have no idea who you’re dealing with, bounty hunter.” Lani winced as I clutched her hair tighter. “I am the richest man in Treno, I am a sorcerer, and an advisor to a queen. I can do _whatever I want_ with you, and not a soul would stop me.”

Lani’s eyes flared. “Go on, then.”

“Despite your claims, not all men are alike. I wish to pay you, but not for _that_.”

“ _What_ then?!”

“Kill Lord Edric. Kill him, and I will pay you _twice_ what he owed.”

Lani’s face went slack. “…You can’t be serious.”

“I am _deadly_ serious.”

“Why should I believe you?”

“Because I’m not killing you right now.”

Lani gave me a withering look. “Edric promised to pay me 40,000 gil. Who the hell would pay me more than 40,000 gil to kill his own employee?!”

“Please. I mop our floors with 40,000 gil.”

“No…” Lani’s eyes searched my face. “This is too easy. What’s your game?”

“There is no game. I’ve planned to dispose of Edric for some time. This is mere convenience. There is, however, one stipulation.”

“What?”

“…I want to watch.”

_That night, I sipped wine in the gardens while Lani twisted a dagger into Lord Edric’s gut. Even with a mouthful of blood, he continued to curse me. I smiled and raised my glass to him in a toast. Once Edric was dead, I removed the valuables from his body. Then I burned Edric’s corpse and tossed the ashes into the canal._

_The story does not end there, however. As Lani dug eagerly through her box of coins, I told her she had impressed me greatly. Should she desire further opportunity, I advised her to steer her journey towards Alexandria. I held out an envelope with my personal seal and told Lani to pass it on to the proprietor of an inn. I wasn’t sure if Lani would take me up on my offer, but a month later, when Princess Garnet fled Alexandria with the Summoner jewel, Lani and her new hunting partner were already in the city, awaiting the queen’s orders. The rest, as you know, is history…_

_Now the war was over, and Lani had a new bounty on my head. Strange, how time always circles back on itself…_

_“How much money will you demand of Queen Garnet for my ‘head on a platter?’”_

_Lani sneered. “Not a cent. Taking you down is all the satisfaction I need. You’re a despicable man, Kuja. The fact that you’ve been roaming free for almost five years makes me_ sick _.”_

_I shook my head and laughed. “Is that what you think? You think I have been wandering for years with no more than the shirt on my back?”_

_“I don’t know, Kuja, and I don’t care.”_

_I was in no mood. I shoved Lani aside and trudged up the hill towards the ruins on the horizon. Lani spluttered and chased me._

_“Now wait just a – where the_ hell _do you think you’re going?!”_

_Lani swung her axe, but by then, I was gone. A moment later I reappeared in the ruins._

_Fifteen years… Had it really been_ fifteen years _since I’d last stood in Madain Sari? It was hard to imagine so much time had passed when I could still recall so vividly the reek of sulfur and the burning sea._

_A cold wind stripped through the ruins as I stepped over the city’s shattered stones. Frightened men and women had once scattered before me as I walked these roads. The unnatural winter amplified the desolation. I wondered how I wound up in the city. One moment I was on Terra, and the next…_

_I slowed to a halt as a massive structure loomed ominously over the wreckage._

The Eidolon Wall…

_The circular monument still stood, tall and unbroken. I felt uneasy as I approached it. The superstitions of the Gaians are ridiculous, I know, yet I swore I heard faint whispers flurrying about the entrance to the shrine_

_It was there, at the base of the Eidolon Wall, that I’d killed my first Gaian. I could no longer recall the guards’ faces, yet so vividly I could recall the raindrops that shattered on their bodies. Everything was so new to me then. I had never experienced night or day… never felt sand beneath my shoes… never spoken to another besides my master…_

_Feeling wary, I entered the shrine. When I crossed the threshold, everything went eerily silent, as if I’d stepped into another world frozen in time. The only sound was the echo of my footsteps. Painted Eidolons on the stones skirted around me like an elaborate zoetrope._

_I paused before the painting of Alexander, with his graceful, white wings. The artwork was beautiful, and somehow untouched, despite all the destruction. Farther down the wall I found a painting of Bahamut, and even farther down was Shiva, and Ramuh, and Madeen. Ah, Madeen… the defender of that Summoner child. To think, with all that power, Madeen disguised herself as nothing but a_ moogle _._

_Speaking of which… for some time I’d been aware of a pack of moogles following me through the ruins. Were they travelers, or had the moogles somehow made a home in the wreckage…? Either way, they were not a threat, and if they meant to send word of my appearance, well… we can all agree MogNet’s speed leaves much to be desired._

_Finally giving in to exhaustion, I leaned back against the Eidolon Wall and slid into the snow_.

“ _Moogles in Madain Sari… What has the world come to…?”_

 _I sat there for a long time, gazing up at the night sky. I felt impossibly small beneath the painted walls and pillars. I_ always _felt small in Madain Sari. I had been little more than a child when I first arrived in the village – a naïve drone who could not understand why its actions were considered so abhorrent – why that one Summoner woman would not free me – why she_ cared _so much. It was strange to think Jane had a home then, and a husband. Queen Garnet had been little more than a toddler at the time._

_I realized I had never stopped to think about Garnet. Not truly. Was she happy growing up in Alexandria? Before her decline, Queen Brahne was a beloved woman, and the king was extremely kind. Was little Sarah better off for having been raised a princess? Certainly she filled the void left by the real Garnet’s passing, but had the king and queen loved her as much as Jane and her husband had?_

_“What does it matter…?” I muttered, letting my head fall back against the wall. “It’s over…”_

_Yet to think how many years of torment I put Garnet through… I destroyed everything she had ever known and killed her mother. I thought I had shown mercy leaving Garnet in the boat on the shore; I thought I had given her a second chance, yet our fates were so intricately intertwined that a decade later, I manipulated Garnet’s new mother and killed her, too. Garnet had lived two lives, and I destroyed both of them._

_“Hey!”_

_My reverie was interrupted by the sight of Lani standing at the entrance to the Eidolon Wall, shivering from the cold. I was overwhelmed with irritation._

_“I mean you no harm, Lani, but do_ not _test me.”_

_Lani gripped her axe. “You are somethin’ else, Kuja!”_

_I appeared an inch from Lani’s face. Lani choked in surprise as a quick Paralyze spell immobilized her._

_“Lani the Bounty Hunter…” I purred, leaning forward. “You seek justice for Queen Garnet, yet you were once willing to kill her for a reward. I do not deny for one moment that I am a villain, but where were_ you _when the war broke out?! You were standing at Queen Brahne’s elephantine side, same as I!”_

_Lani’s eyes flashed with fear as I brushed a stray lock of hair from her face._

_“You think because you did not commit crimes on a_ global _scale, that somehow you are less evil than I am. Perhaps Queen Garnet would like to hear the story about Lord Edric. Or perhaps she would enjoy the story of Mayor Harrington and his tragic fall from the bridge? And let us not forget the time Lord Kolt hired you to retrieve the three concubines who fled his dungeon. They were practically_ children _, yet you were more concerned with_ money _than mercy. You think because your crimes were small, and mine were not, that somehow you are more worthy of forgiveness? Forgiveness is an_ illusion _, Lani. It means_ nothing _. So do not act as if your justice has any meaning if you cannot even face_ yourself _in the mirror!”_

_Snarling, I waved my hand and released Lani from the spell. She staggered backwards, gasping. “Y-you sonnuva – !”_

_I warped back into the Eidolon Wall as Lani’s blade crashed down on the barrier. Her eyes widened as she realized I had effectively sealed her from the shrine. With a cry of rage, Lani hacked at the force field._

_I retreated into the darkening shrine and slumped against the wall. Lani eventually shouted herself hoarse and vanished. Night fell, and snow began to fall. Sitting in the darkness, I looked down to find the black blood of Terra still visible on my hands. The gravity of what I’d done at last began to settle over me. The cold, dead moon hung in the sky above like a gravestone._

_Terra was gone. Truly gone. Everything I had ever been, everything I was meant to be… all of it was lost forever… I felt as if there was a hole in my chest, and the wind howled past its raw edges._

_Why did I continue to linger…? There was a part of me – this sick, disgusting part – that almost wished… or perhaps envied the Genomes their soulless, clockwork existence. I had not initially resisted Garland’s plans because it was easier not to. I did not_ want _to have thoughts, because they led to doubt. I did not_ want _to forge my own path, because it made me responsible for my failures. I found comfort in the void, and simultaneously despised myself for it. I hated the Genomes for their soulless apathy, but more so, I hated that they did not have to hate it, or feel anger, or wonder at any point where they should be, or why they were doing what they were doing. Every second I spent in Bran Bal was a reminder that I could not be like the Genomes: never happy, yet also never sad. No matter how I strayed from Garland’s path, however, there had always been an endgame – a vague horizon to head for. I knew exactly how it was all meant to end…_

 _Now the story was over, and I found myself staggering into the nothingness beyond. Zidane had_ damned _me with his humanity. He was as much a fool as any Genome. For all his antics, he was as much a slave to existence as anyone. Zidane truly believed life was worth living simply for the sake of being alive._

 _And for how long…? I wondered._ How long?! _I shuddered as I realized I still_ did not know _. I had plunged my fist into five thousand years of organic Terran data, yet nowhere in all those servers did I find the answer. If I had, I would simply know it now, as easily as one recalls a story, or the face of an acquaintance. It was all there, yet there was_ nothing _that could tell me the answer I so desperately sought._

_Overwhelmed with despair, I buried my face in my hands. Destroying Terra had not rid me of my burdens… it merely extinguished the last of my hope._

“Come to pray, little Terran?”

_Peering through my fingers, I saw a woman ghosting along the edge of the wall. Her hair was like flames, and it lit the painted Eidolons as she passed them. When I blinked, however, the woman’s face had darkened, and a moment later, I swore she was a man. A step closer, and from the woman’s billowing robes I saw she had four arms, and the falling snow vanished before it touched her pale skin. I shook my head and laughed._

_“Come for your revenge, Eidolon…?”_

_The woman smiled, but a moment later, her skin faded to blue and fangs grew over her lips. She folded two arms across her chest and peered down at me like I was an insect._

“We do not believe in revenge.”

_“…And who is ‘we’…?”_

_The Eidolon’s flesh wisped away and she was once more a man. As he spoke, however, he morphed back into a woman. Her flesh glittered like snowflakes._

“I am Asura.”

_“Asura…?”_

_The name was unfamiliar, despite the extensive research I’d done on Eidolons. Asura grinned as her teeth grew sharp and her skin drained back into shadows. I felt both sickened and amused by the events that were about to unfold._

_“Poetic justice…”_

_Now a man, Asura tilted his head curiously._ “Of what justice do you speak?”

_“You are here to destroy me.”_

“You do not seem concerned.”

_“I will not fight you, Eidolon. I am done trying to face the gods.”_

_Asura’s male laugh softened as he morphed back into a woman._ “Was that not the reason for which you were created…? An avatar sent to another world to incite havoc and destruction… Were you not the product of a mortal’s quest to create a god?”

 _“If I am what Garland wished to see in a god, then it is no wonder his vision was doomed – and what god carries with it the imperfections of its maker? That is not a_ god _, Asura, that is a puppet.”_

 _I felt as if Asura’s eyes were boring through me like knives._ “What is an Eidolon, then, without its Summoner?”

_My amused apathy faded into apprehension. “…I do not know,” I admitted._

“You do. What is an Eidolon?”

_“…A… a legend.”_

“But what is a legend? Where does it come from?”

_“From people. From their stories.”_

_Asura’s laugh was like ash in the wind._ “Stories… legends… Ripples in a stream.”

_I gave Asura a wary look. “…What are you trying to tell me…? Why have you not killed me yet?”_

The Eidolon’s face darkened and her eyes began to glow. “The Terran people have existed for as long as there has been existence. They were mortal, yet they could create life. They consumed, and in turn were consumed. None existed who could defeat the Terrans, but some existed who could escape. Gaia was a refuge far from Terra’s insatiable hunger.”

_“The Gaians… came from another world?”_

“The original Gaians. The Summoners. Eidolons were born from their terror and desperation. The Summoners spread across Gaia, building and thriving, and soon, few were few left who remembered their guardians. Not a soul beyond Madain Sari could recall the darkness that lurked in the stars, and eventually, even the Summoners had utterly forgotten.”

_“…That is why Garland feared the Summoners… They had unknowingly prepared for him…” I murmured in astonishment._

“But legends are not gods, little Terran. They can weaken. They can be killed.”

_“I… I know… I did not understand then what I was doing. I was not made to protect or defend, only to destroy.”_

“You lie.” _Asura did not sound angry, and for some reason, I wished she did._ “You returned to Madain Sari for revenge. You destroyed the Summoners because you were angry, and you enjoyed the power. You were created as a void, Kuja – an empty page on which Garland could scrawl his perfect soldier. You had _unlimited_ potential; you could have become _anything_ the moment Garland sent you to Gaia. We wept, young Terran, for all you could have been…”

 _There was genuine sadness in Asura’s eyes, as though she was looking upon a stillborn. I tried to speak – to say_ anything _– yet I had no words that could explain the feelings I did not myself understand. Asura kneeled suddenly before me and I pressed back against the wall in fear._

“You made two choices the day you burned Madain Sari. You chose to destroy the Summoners, and you chose to let two Summoners run free. You enacted an inevitability, yet you left variables in your wake. You were our annihilator and our savior – you are the reason we were defeated, and the reason we continue to survive.”

 _“No…”_ I shook my head. _“The Summoners are_ dead _. They can never be what they once were. I do not even know how you are here before me.”_

“Echoes…” _said Asura._ “Ripples in a stream.”

 _I hung my head in exhaustion. “What do you_ want _from me?!”_

 _Asura’s face morphed, then morphed again._ “I want you to _listen_ , young Terran.”

_“You’re speaking in riddles! There is nothing to hear! Most likely I have gone mad and I am talking to myself!”_

“Then _listen_ to yourself.”

 _“And why should I?!” I staggered to my feet, enraged. “The first time I came to this village, a white mage had to mute me just to keep me from_ murdering _her, and when she lifted the spell, she released me like a wild animal from its cage!”_

 _The woman, the beast, and the man – all of Asura’s expressions were unreadable._ “You believe her compassion was a sin?”

_“Yes!”_

_The Eidolons eyes went dull with sorrow. I waited for her to speak, but she didn’t say a word. I couldn’t bear to look at her any longer. I stumbled towards the shrine entrance. When I glanced over my shoulder, the painted Eidolons seem to dance like shadow puppets in the flames of Asura’s hair. Her eyes met mine, and then she faded into the moonlight. I did not feel relieved or victorious… merely hollow… and angry._

_When I stepped beyond the Eidolon Wall, the wind howled and snowflakes stung my eyes. I plunged into the blizzard and raced through the wreckage of Madain Sari. I had no destination in mind, yet my feet carried me down a path that narrowed until I reached the end of a pier. Falling to my knees, I stared into the black water churning below the cliffs. Chunks of ice crashed against the rocks, nearly capsizing the boats anchored to them._

_“Is this what you wanted?!” I shouted into the water. Waves exploded against the pier and soaked my cloak. Furious, I wrenched Beatrix’s book from my pocket and threw it as far as I could into the sea._

_Suddenly, a hand seized the back of my collar. “Are you nuts?!”_

_Snarling, I twisted around and shoved the intruder back. Lani stumbled behind me, panting vapor into the air. She was little more than a silhouette in the moonlight, and her hair was white with snow._

_“I… I heard everything…!” she gasped._

_“Get out of here!”_

_“No! Not until I get some answers! Who_ are _you?!”_

 _“You_ know _who I am!”_

 _“That’s not what I meant!” Lani pointed towards Madain Sari. “That was an Eidolon, wasn’t it?!  What the_ hell _is going on?!”_

_I took a step forward, fists clenched with rage. “Leave. Now.”_

_Lani refused to budge. “Are you even from Gaia?!”_

_“No! And neither is your precious Zidane!”_

_“I… I don’t understand…!” I had never seen Lani look frightened, even the night I threatened her in Treno, but now she was wide-eyed like a child. My fists sparked with warning magic._

_“Leave now or I_ will _kill you.”_

_“Why? So you can go jump off the pier?!”_

_I raised my hand to attack, but Lani suddenly shouted in my face._

_“I repented, alright?! I paid my dues! Yeah, I hunted Garnet for money, but that was_ five years ago! _Do you know what I’ve been doing with my bounty money since then?! I’ve been using it to help rebuild the world_ you _destroyed!”_

 _“Oh, how noble!” I sneered. “I was not aware you could_ buy _forgiveness!”_

 _“You’re_ disgusting! _You want forgiveness?! Really?! What have_ you _done to help?!”_

_“I saved your wretched planet!”_

_Lani threw her head back, laughing. “You’re unbelievable! Just when I thought you couldn’t sink any lower!”_

_“You know_ nothing! _”_

_“I know you killed the Summoner tribe!”_

_“I don’t deny a thing. I know what I am.”_

_“Yeah! A monster!”_

_“Absolutely. Manufactured to exact specifications.”_

_“Enough of this, Kuja!” Lani raised her axe. “I’m done!”_

_“As am I!”_

_Lani recoiled as a streak of lightning lashed against her cheek. I waved my hand and a wall of magic threw her backwards. She fell onto the pier, but a moment later, I had to twist away as she flung a throwing knife in my direction. I countered with a fire spell, which rapidly engulfed Lani in a cocoon of flames. When they wisped away. Lani staggered to her feet, completely unharmed. For the first time, I faltered in surprise._

_“You know black magic?!”_

_“I know lots of things!” Lani waved her hand and a wall of ice shattered against me. Several shards cut my face as I attempted to block the magic. Lani was too fast. Her axe swung from the darkness before I could put up any barrier. I caught the blade, but without magic to protect me, the metal sunk deep into my palms. Blinded by rage, I pushed against the axe and shoved Lani backwards. She hit the ground and cried out as a wheel of flames raced towards her. I raised my bloodied hands, preparing the final blow, when the pier shattered and we plunged into the sea._

What a nuisance… _I thought, even as I hit the water. I’d been seconds away from ending the battle. As I slipped below the surface, however, the cold water seeped through my clothes and the rage bled away. I watched the surface fade away with morbid fascination. I was a Genome built to withstand extreme situations, so I had no concerns about escaping. Instead, I simply sank into the ocean and watched the rippling moonlight overhead._

“I feared the dark because I could not see what hid inside it…” _Had I spoken those words aloud once? Or were they an echo of a thought? I could not recall. I had hated the dark once, and then accepted it as an inevitability I could not escape. I remembered sitting under a window in Alexandria, waiting for the night to end – and though the sun rose over the city the next morning, the sun never rose again for me._

_Something flashed in my peripheral vision._

Lani… _my mind registered slowly._ Lani, the bounty hunter…

_She was thrashing desperately against the current pulling her under, but the more she swam, the more she sank. Dark planks of wood gathered at the surface of the water like insects smothering the light. Refusing to give up, Lani reached desperately towards the moonlight. There was so much pain in her eyes – not a physical pain, but the pain of inescapable reality. I had seen that pain in thousands of eyes, right before their lives were extinguished. I remembered watching the light go out in Brennen’s eyes, and how much I enjoyed it, but I did not enjoy watching Lani lose hope. Even when her eyes went dark, the pain in her expression never faded. Her arm went limp at last and the inky black water swallowed her away._

“There is only pain in this world, Kuja… There is pain because of people like _you_ …”

_I don’t remember swimming after Lani, and I don’t remember dragging her from the sea. I just remember that light at the water’s surface, and a boat anchored to a rock near the shore. Treading water, I hoisted Lani’s limp body over the side and then clung to the boat, exhausted. The fire from the pier was still burning on the water. As the fog lifted from my eyes, I became keenly aware of the seawater seeping into my palms. I bit down on my lip, hissing as the salt burned through the axe wounds. I shook my head and tried to focus. Lani seemed to be unconscious. Her lips were gray, and her dark hair drifted like seaweed in the shallow water._

_“…No…”_

_I had to look away. I couldn’t… It was as if I was caught in an infinite loop – a timeline spiraling over and over into eternity. Trying not to be sick, I reached into the boat and grasped Lani’s shoulder. Her skin was cold. Though my own strength was waning, I forced several healing spells into her body. She didn’t stir. Desperate, I tried every white magic spell I had ever learned, trying again and again to force life into a dead thief in Treno, a dead woman on a beach, a lifeless child, a silver dragon, a Black Mage. Why was anyone given life if they were only meant to die?!_

_Streaks of ice had frozen to my cheeks. It was all futile. The thief had become ashes in a gutter. The woman on the beach was sea foam. The lifeless child was a night that never ended. The dragon was a memory. The Black Mage was flowers in a graveyard. Releasing Lani’s shoulder, I buried my face in the crook of my arm. It was never going to end, not so long as I existed. My rage destroyed Genomes who could have become people. My vanity nearly killed Zidane, whose only crime was a naïve insistence that I deserved to live. I was a child that broke its toys over and over, and then wept when they could not be fixed. The Crystal had teased me with some illusion of redemption, but it was a_ lie – !

_“K… Kuja…?”_

_I raised my head and found a pair of dark, brown eyes gazing at me. Lani looked exhausted. She knit her eyebrows together and frowned weakly._

_“Kuja, you… did you_ save _me…?”_

_For some reason, I shook my head. Lani’s expression became even more confused. Shivering, she attempted to sit up, but fell back quickly with a groan._

_“…the hell…?” Lani gave me a strange look. “…Are… are you_ crying _…?”_

_I shook my head again, despite the fact that any idiot with functional eyes could tell I was lying. Lani laughed and shook her head as if something was funny._

_“…Why… did you save me?”_

_“Because I did not want you to die.”_

_“…Why?”_

_“I have killed enough people.”_

_Lani’s weak laughter became a cough. “You tried to murder me… then saved me. You… really are… nuts…” Her voice faded and she closed her eyes. I was so damn tired. Of everything. We had to get back to shore._

_“I surrender…” I murmured._

_Lani frowned but didn’t open her eyes. “…what are you… talking… about…?”_

_Before I could respond, I heard a small voice in the distance. “I found her, kupo!”_

_In the light of the fire, I could see several moogles circling overhead._

_“Go away,” I grumbled. “You are of no help here.”_

_“You don’t get to talk, kupo!” One of the moogles fluttered into my face, glaring. The others hovered worriedly around Lani._

_“She’s hurt!” one of them cried._

_“You!” The angry moogle rounded on me again. “I know who you are, kupo, and I swear on all that is holy – ”_

_“I’m trying to help!” I shouted, causing the moogle to tumble backwards in surprise. “You want to yell at me, fine, but right now, you’re either helping, or you’re wasting my time!”_

_The moogles were trying to pull the boat to shore. I released my hold to lighten the weight, then swam ahead of them to shore. When I staggered out of the water, I sat heavily in the snow and watched the moogles drag the boat from the ocean._

_“You!” The angry moogle was suddenly in my face again._

_“Me,” I said lamely._

_“You’re going to fix this, kupo!”_

_“I tried.” I shook my head. “But I am out of magic. If you have access to ethers, perhaps – "_

_“You think ethers just grow on trees, kupo?!” The moogle’s wings fluttered furiously. “We’ve been out of supplies for a_ week _now, kupo! And why should I give you anything when everyone knows you’re a_ liar _, kupo?"_

 _I stared at the blood crusted to my palms. I could no longer tell what had been there before, and what was new. “Do you think I would leave my hands unhealed if I had_ any _other option? I told Lani I had surrendered. If you want to save her, fly to the closest village for help.”_

_“There’s no time for that, kupo!” Another moogle fluttered over. “Lani’s hurt badly!”_

_I closed my eyes, exhausted. “There is… one thing I can do.”_

_I concentrated all my mental energy on the Null spell I had erected to keep Mikoto from discovering my whereabouts. I felt itchy and exposed as I felt that extra layer of protection fade away. It felt even worse when I directed the fading magic towards the very person I was trying to hide from. I could feel Mikoto’s presence alight with surprise when she realized I was trying to contact her._

“Kuja…?! Where – ”

“Madain Sari. Lani the bounty hunter is gravely wounded. I have no magic, and she has little time.”

“What are you – ”

_The connection dropped suddenly like a branch cut from a tree. All my magic had drained away._

_“What the hell was that, kupo?” The moogles flurried around me._

_“I sent a message. Help will arrive soon. In the meantime, Lani needs shelter.”_

_The moogle gave each other a doubtful look, but they were as out of options as I was. Hoping to show that I meant well, I carefully lifted Lani from the boat and slung her over my shoulder. The moogles eyed me mistrustfully as they led me into the ruins of Madain Sari. They took me to a large building carved from a sandstone hill. It had a stone door, badly singed, and windows covered in cloth. Two of the moogles pried open the door while another ordered me to set Lani down in the small room to the left. There were blankets strewn across the floor, along with a fire pit and meager boxes of supplies._

_“You live here?” I wondered as I carefully slid Lani down onto a blanket. She was completely cold to the touch._

_“We’ve lived here for_ years _, kupo, but when the cold came, this was the only place where we could stay warm. Lani was taking shelter with us, kupo.”_

_“Impressive,” I muttered, for lack of anything better to say._

_“Enough talk!” The moogle I took to be their leader was glaring at me. “Lani’s safe now, so you don’t get to come anywhere near her, kupo!”_

_“I assure you I will not cause any harm.”_

_The smallest of the moogles was suddenly beside me with a paw on my shoulder. “No…” she whispered in a strange voice. “You won’t…”_

_I froze, wide-eyed, when I felt some sort of magic wash over me. When I whirled around, I saw a stone door already slamming shut. I stumbled backwards in the dark room and collapsed against the wall._

This… this can’t be happening…

_I sank to the ground and hugged my knees to my chest. I could feel the Mute spell pressing down around me from the walls and the ceiling. The entire room was infused in the magic like a living creature._

_Timelines always circle back on themselves. It’s an endless loop you cannot escape from. Time is a snake that eats its own tail._

_And there is no way out…_

_No escape._

**A/N: ………whoops.**


	5. Shadow

**A/N: Sorry once again for the wait! I try to find time to work on this fic whenever I can, but sometimes life is a pain in the arse. Anyhoo, for the first few chapters, this story diverged quite a bit from the plot of the original version of this fic, but this chapter will finally steer us back into familiar territory (for those of you who read the original). Hopefully, both new and old readers will enjoy ^_^**

**Disclaimer: I don’t own Final Fantasy IX or any aspect of the Final Fantasy franchise.**

 

**CHAPTER 5: SHADOW**

 

 

You’d think by now I’d be used to magic, but Terran magic is different from Gaian magic, and by “different,” I mean “creepy.” Conjuring fire from thin air, that’s kid’s stuff when compared to my brother and sister casually traveling between alternate dimensions, but that’s not even the stuff that creeps me out. It’s when they get inside your head…

See, normally, when someone goes silent mid-sentence, it’s ‘cause they suddenly realized they left the stove on, or they drank too much to form coherent thoughts (not that I’d known anything about that). But when my sister goes silent, it might be ‘cause she’s having a conversation with someone miles away. In her head.

Like I said… creepy.

Mikoto had very suddenly stopped talking while we were chatting at her kitchen table. I thought about waving my hand in her face, but ultimately decided to take the mature route.

“So… what’s up?” I asked when Mikoto’s eyes finally cleared.

“That was Kuja.”

For a moment, I thought Mikoto was joking… until I remembered Mikoto doesn't really know how to joke.

“Well, I’ll be damned,” I said. “The bastard’s not dead after all.” I was surprised by how relieved I felt. I’d been through countless life-threatening situations, but I’m cursed with the kind of optimism that forbids you from imagining anyone actually being dead.

“So, it’s safe to say Kuja’s not interested in being found…?”

“Quite the opposite,” said Mikoto, looking oddly dazed. “Kuja specifically asked us to find him.”

“Er… what?”

“His magic was depleted, so his words were brief, but he said there was a bounty hunter gravely wounded in Madain Sari. He wants my assistance.”

I did _not_ like the sound of that. “Wait… don't tell me there’re bounty hunters going after Kuja. No one even knows he’s alive…!” Except for Beatrix… but I trusted her… mostly…

Mikoto shook her head. “I know nothing about this bounty hunter. Kuja referred to her as ‘Lani,’ but the name has no significance to me.”

I nearly fell out of my chair. “Wait, Lani?! _The_ Lani?!”

“You know this woman?”

“Yeah, she’s a friend!” Lani was one of the toughest women I’d ever met, and if she was hurt badly enough for Kuja to come out of hiding, it had to be _really_ bad. “Damnit… what’s the fastest way to get to Madain Sari?”

“Kuja contacted us rather than seeking help from any villages, so I assume he expects us to use the airship.”

“That’s right! I keep forgetting the Black Mages have one of those old test-model steam ships.” I jumped out of my chair and hurried towards the door. “Good thing I know how to fly it!”

“Zidane, wait!” Mikoto grasped me by the sleeve. “Stop and think. There are items we must gather – ethers, potions…” Mikoto gave me a judgmental look. “…a coat, perhaps?”

I rolled my eyes. “Yeah, yeah… buzzkill.”

We filled a backpack with supplies and quietly slipped out into the night. Unfortunately, the sound of the airship engine woke up the Black Mage who was in charge of its maintenance… A Black Mage who happened to be one of Vivi’s children. Sigi looked more worried than upset, especially when we told him there was some kind of emergency. The little mage asked to come with us, but I refused him. See, the scariest part about the whole situation wasn’t the fact that Lani was injured, it was the fact that it was all going down in _Madain Sari_. Nothing good has _ever_ come from Kuja being in Madain Sari. There was no chance in hell I was gonna let an innocent Black Mage get sucked into Kuja’s vortex of doom.

Except there was one unforeseen complication… Vivi’s children know my number one weakness: puppy dog eyes. You’d think the Black Mages would suck at it because of their glow-y eyes, but you’d be wrong. The way Sigi looked at me, you’d think I was holding an axe over a bunny. Somehow, this prompted me to say _something_ – I have no idea what – and suddenly Sigi was on the airship, wringing his hands and rattling off the best flight patterns to avoid snow turbulence. He tried to push his luck just a little farther by asking if we’d let his brothers come along, but on that, I finally put my foot down. The airship already had enough family drama aboard to last us a lifetime.

“I mean, what the hell is Kuja doing in Madain Sari anyways?!”

Sitting calmly in the cockpit beside me, Mikoto shrugged. “I will never pretend to understand the reasons for anything Kuja does.”

“I mean, what, he finished off Terra, so now he’s gotta finish off the Summoner village, too? Last I checked, he already – ”

“Zidane, please concentrate on flying the airship.”

“You ask me, Kuja goes out of his way to cause problems, like he’s trying to punish me for all the years I spent tormenting him before I even knew he existed.”

“Zidane – ”

“I mean, I get it, we’re siblings, we’re supposed to fight – ”

“Zidane – !”

“This one time, Ruby broke my favorite toy, so I threw her favorite shoes in a river – but those were _minor_ offenses, y’know. Every time I break _Kuja’s_ favorite toy, he blows up a city!”

“Zidane!”

“What?!”

Mikoto gave me an icy glare. “Shut up.”

I was so impressed, I actually did.

“…Damn, Mikoto. You’re gonna be seriously awesome someday.”

“Thank you.”

Sitting against the wall, Sigi’s eyes darted back and forth between us like he thought a bomb was about to go off.

It only took four hours to reach Madain Sari, which totally blew my mind. I mean, imagine if we’d had fleets of steam powered ships back when there was a _world war_ emergency going on!

“You can’t change the past, Zidane, so there’s no point in dwelling on it.”

Oh. I’d been talking out loud again. “Sorry.”

We sailed over endless trees, and then, at last, the rocky cliffs of the Outer Continent’s coastline emerged. Normally, the land’s a beautiful, golden yellow, but now it was white from the seemingly never-ending winter. Snow still misted from the night sky and fogged our windows.

“Gotta say, I’m gettin’ real sick of this weather,” I grumbled as I guided the airship down towards the cliffs. “Any idea when it might clear up?" 

“It could be years,” said Mikoto. “Gaia’s atmosphere was affected by the expulsion of Mist. As it fades and shifts, the climate shifts, too.”

Madain Sari was a patchwork of dark shapes in the snow. I landed as close as possible to the ruins without giving Sigi a nervous breakdown about avalanches. I opened the hatch into the snow and shuddered against a blast of icy wind. It was even colder by the ocean. I quickly pulled on my backpack so I could bury my hands in my coat. The snow was ankle deep, and Sigi struggled to keep up as we trudged towards the lost city. I felt a pang of guilt when Sigi took a tumble in the snow, but he stood up quickly and straightened his hat. The gesture brought back memories I wasn’t in the mood to dwell on.

Out of nowhere, a squeaky voice called to us from the darkness.

“Kupo, it’s you!”

A moogle fluttered towards us, wide-eyed with surprise. I immediately recognized him as Chimomo, one of Eiko’s old companions.

“We came as fast as we could!” I tried to smile encouragingly despite the fact that I was shivering in the cold.

“I’m… I’m so relieved, kupo.” Chimomo looked faint. “I didn’t realize… we thought he was lying, kupo… but it’s you!”

“Okay, I have no idea what you’re – ”

“ – We heard someone is hurt?” Mikoto butted in.

Chimomo nodded quickly. “It’s Lani, kupo. I’ll show you the way!”

We followed Chimomo deeper into the ruins. I’d never seen Madain Sari covered in snow before, and it felt like we were walking through an alternate dimension. The sandy cliffs were white, and a deathly stillness settled over the wreckage. Chimomo led us silently towards a hillside with an inconspicuous door.

“She’s in here, kupo. You made it just in time.”

It was warmer inside the cliffs, and several torches on the wall provided some much-needed light. We found Lani in a smaller room lying on a blanket next to a fire pit. Four moogles looked up when we entered. Two of them I recognized as Momatose and Mocha. The other two I’d never seen before in my life.

“Zidane?!” Mocha leaped up in shock. “What’re you – ?!”

I was too busy rushing towards Lani to respond. I was completely shocked by the sight of her. Even after we battled her, she’d never looked so bad. Her normally tanned skin was gray, and there were dark bruises under her eyes. Before I could ask what happened, Mikoto withdrew one of Lani’s hands from beneath the blanket. Her fingertips were black.

“What the hell happened?!” I cried in horror.

“Frostbite.” Mikoto looked grim as she turned Lani’s hand over. “A rather severe case of it, too… Sigi, would you be so kind…?”

Sigi ran over so fast, he nearly tripped on his face. “How can I help, Ms. Mikoto?”

“I can’t believe you’re here, Zidane, kupo!” Mocha was gazing at me in awe.

“ _Zidane_ , kupo? As in _the_ Zidane?” One of the unfamiliar moogles looked star-struck.

“We were so sure Kuja was lying when he said he called for help, kupo.” Momatose shook his head wearily.

Vaguely, I heard Mikoto rattling off a list of Lani’s injuries, which included several broken ribs, a broken leg, and frostbite on every almost every possible extremity.

“Geez…” I muttered, sitting back in disbelief. “How did this happen?!”

“Kuja.” Momatose scowled as he watched Mikoto pry open one of Lani’s eyes.

My stomach sank, not because Kuja was involved, but because I wasn’t surprised…

“…What did he do…?”

“We don't know the whole story, kupo,” said Chimomo. “Kuja appeared suddenly in Madain Sari and hid in the Eidolon Wall, kupo, but then he and Lani started fighting and the sea was on fire!”

“But Kuja called for help…?” Sigi gave Chimomo a confused look.

“He surrendered.” Momatose shrugged. “One minute they were fighting, the next minute, Kuja was pulling Lani from the ocean and using magic to try and save her. Kupo, that man is insane!”

“Nobody would argue with ya there…” I hadn’t seen any sign of Kuja, which was odd. It’s not unusual for Kuja to vanish when things get dicey, but Mikoto said his magic was depleted, so how far could he go…?

“Where _is_ Kuja?” asked Sigi, mirroring my thoughts.

For some reason, all the moogles glanced towards the female who was warming her paws near the fire pit. She smiled lightly, but her eyes never left the flames. “We thought it best to remove him, kupo.”

That was the first time in my life a moogle managed to say something that _actually_ sounded threatening. “…Removed him _where?_ ”

“He could be of use,” said Mikoto, applying some kind of salve to Lani’s fingers. “His white magic skills are exceptional, and I have ethers he can use.”

“I don’t think that’s a good idea, kupo,” said the moogle.

For the first time, Mikoto raised her head. I’d come to recognize that look in her eyes: it was the look she got when she smelled bullshit. “Still, if you would be so kind…”

“Take me to him,” I said, climbing to my feet. “I won’t let anything happen.” I gave Mikoto a meaningful look. She nodded gratefully.

The moogle moved away from the fire pit and fluttered towards the door. “As you wish, kupo.”

The moogle led me down a cold hallway deeper into the cliffs. The torches were no longer lit and the hallway got darker with every step.

“So… I don’t remember seeing you ‘round these parts before,” I said. “You gotta name?”

The moogle fluttered calmly in front of me. “I was a traveler, kupo, but I was stranded in the snow. I found another moogle trapped in the cold, kupo, so I brought her to Madain Sari for shelter. The other moogles were kind enough to take us in.”

“Uh huh. And do they know you’re an Eidolon?”

The moogle glanced over her shoulder and smirked. “…and why would they ever think that…?”

I sighed as we paused in front of a stone door. “Why the hell do Eidolons keep posing as moogles? I mean, of all the stupid, fluffy – ”

“Exactly.”

“So, what, you went all ‘guardian of Gaia’ on Kuja?”

“Mostly I just shoved him in a room and locked the door.”

I rubbed my forehead in exasperation. “Did he even know you were an Eidolon?”

“No. Kuja is clever, but he sees the world in black and white. A moogle is just a moogle, and nothing more.”

Something about the stone door was familiar. Without really thinking, I pressed my palm against it and felt the cold.

“This place… I’ve seen it before…” I could hear screams echoing in a memory buried somewhere deep in my mind. “Yeah… this is the old prison… the one with the Mute spell…”

The moogle looked at me in surprise. “Kuja spoke of this place?”

“No… I mean, yes… Sort of. It’s a long story.” Suddenly, my hand fell away from the door. “…Wait, don’t tell me you locked Kuja in the muted jail cell…”

“I could think of no other way to – ”

“No.” I shook my head. “I don’t have time for this. Let Kuja go.”

That’s when I became acutely aware of the fact that there was an Eidolon lurking inside that pink little moogle. The way she was staring at me, it felt like she was drilling into my soul.

“You still defend him…” she said slowly. “…after all he’s done to you.”

“It’s just the way I am,” I said. “I always try to see the good in people, even when the ‘people’ are total assholes.”

“There is good in Kuja, yes, but he leaves a trail of destruction wherever he goes. The last time he was released from this prison, an entire civilization was destroyed.”

“Yup. And then fifteen years later, he saved the world. He didn’t plan on surviving the ordeal, but he did it anyways, because… well, he’d never admit it, but Kuja _is_ capable of caring about people. Sometimes too much.”

The Eidolon watched me silently through the moogle’s eyes. “I will release him… but not for free.”

“What the hell does that mean?”

The Eidolon didn’t respond. She pressed her paw against the stone door and it churned open all on its own. The cell looked exactly as I remembered it in the dreams: cramped and dark and quivering with ancient magics. Kuja was sitting against the opposite wall under a small, open window. Snow flurried into the cell and dusted his pale hair. Even though the door creaked loudly as it moved across the floor, Kuja made no effort to look up. I thought about stepping inside, but then I remembered the Mute spell. Instead, I hovered awkwardly in the threshold.

“…Hey, Kuja…”

Kuja gave me a hollow look. His eyes reminded me of the eyes that stared back at me as he was lying in Iifa Tree: tired and defeated and begging me to go. I was furious with the Eidolon for reducing him to this _again_ , but deep down, I had to remind myself that the Eidolon watched Kuja slaughter women and children right before her eyes. The thought left me feeling immensely guilty, which must’ve shown in my eyes, because Kuja suddenly wouldn’t look at me.

“…I’m sorry I didn’t get here faster,” I said slowly. “…but we’ve got ethers. You can still save Lani. I dunno what happened, but it’s not too late to do the right thing.”

Kuja clenched his fists at his sides. For a moment, I thought he was going to ignore me. Then he swept to his feet and gestured for me to lead the way. He paused in front of the threshold, however, and locked eyes with the Eidolon. She fearlessly returned his gaze with a fiery one of her own. I felt like we were standing on the deck of a boat tipping dangerously towards the sea. Then the moment passed and Kuja brushed past us without a word.

“…Okay, then…” I muttered, unnerved by the whole situation.

The Eidolon and I followed Kuja back to the main room. The other moogles squeaked in terror at the sight of Kuja, but he ignored them as he kneeled down beside Lani. His gaze was impassive. Mikoto watched him for a moment, then calmly asked Sigi for an ether. The little mage’s hand trembled as he handed the item over to Kuja. Mikoto gave me a questioning look, but I shook my head, signaling that we’d discuss it later.

Kuja worked his magic on Lani for some time, and within a few hours, the color returned to her cheeks. It wasn’t until the frostbite retreated that Mikoto gave a sigh of relief. A few hours more, she told us, and Lani’s fingers would’ve been beyond repair. Kuja didn’t acknowledge Mikoto’s words as he continued weaving magic, and Sigi never once took his eyes off him.

The sun should’ve started rising around then, but the snowstorm suffocated the sky and left Madain Sari in darkness. The moogles curled up on blankets to try and get some sleep – all except Momatose, who sat on a box near the wall and eyed Kuja mistrustfully. The Eidolon sat herself down by the fire and watched the flames.

“I’m hopeful that Lani will wake up in a few hours,” said Mikoto, examining Lani’s fingers one more time.

“Is she gonna be okay, kupo…?” asked Momatose.

Mikoto nodded. “I believe so.”

“Kupo, I don’t know how we can ever repay you. There’re extra blankets, kupo, so you guys can sleep until the storm goes.”

“That’s very kind of you,” said Mikoto. “And I think it would be best for us to be here when Lani awakens, in case there are further injuries we’ve overlooked.”

While Momatose went to fetch the blankets, Kuja sat down by the far wall, as far from anyone else as possible. Mikoto leaned towards me and tried to keep her voice low.

“What happened, Zidane?”

“Oh, nothing huge,” I said with a shrug. “Just that the moogle by the fire is an Eidolon.”

Mikoto’s eyes lit up. “Truly? How fascinating. I’ve never seen an Eidolon before.”

“Yeah, well, I wouldn’t go prodding it if I were you. I’ve seen those things take down entire cities.”

“…To think, all that power contained inside the body of a moogle…”

“Well, Kuja’s pretty much got the body of a girl, but you’ve seen what _he_ can do.”

Mikoto’s hand flew to her lips to stifle a laugh of surprise. For that alone, it was worth it.

Momatose returned with the blankets and dumped them on the floor. As I spread one out under the window, I noticed Sigi hovering awkwardly near me and wringing his hands.

“What’s up, kiddo?” I threw myself down on the blanket and gave him a questioning look.

Sigi was still trying very hard not to look at me. “Oh, nothing… It’s just… before he stopped, my father said…”

“Yeah…?"

“He said that Kuja… that he was gonna stop soon, like us. So I was just wondering… if that was true…?”

I glanced over at Kuja, who seemed to have fallen asleep in the corner. Just in case he was faking it, though, I kept my voice low. “That’s, um… I mean, yeah, that's what Garland said, but I don't really know. The guy was thousands of years old, so I dunno what a walking fossil considers ‘soon.’ All I know is that Garland wanted Kuja dead because Garland is an asshat.”

“But… isn’t that the same thing Kuja did to _us_ …?”

“Yeah, well, Kuja’s an asshat, too…”

“Then _why…?_ ” Sigi’s voice cracked. “Why would Kuja do something so cruel when the same cruelty had been done to him?”

“Kuja didn’t know about the, uh stopping thing… He didn’t know Garland expected him to die.”

“So it was all just a coincidence?!”

“I think Kuja would call it ‘irony,’ but yeah, mostly. Let’s face it, kids imitate their parents, even when the parent is an evil scientist and the kid is a manufactured killing machine. Kuja just did what he’d been taught, and if you’re taught that the things you create are beneath you, then that’s how you treat them. Kuja spent his whole life waiting for Garland to dispose of him, so when Kuja started making slaves of his own, he figured they were disposable, too. He thought he was being ‘merciful’ compared to Garland. That’s why he didn’t give the Black Mages souls. Kuja blamed his own suffering on the fact that he was _aware_ of it, and he didn’t want the Black Mages to go through that, too. Kuja never expected you guys to develop souls. Unfortunately, by the time Kuja realized the Black Mages did, he was too twisted and corrupted to care.”

Sigi stared down at the floor. “…I want to hate him.”

“…You’re allowed to hate him… Kuja wouldn’t blame you.”

“Which is why I can’t hate him…”

I shook my head sadly. “…I miss Vivi, too…”

“Then _how_ …” Sigi clenched his hands into fists. “…How can you defend Kuja?! How can you be in the same _room_ as him, knowing he’s the reason my father is dead?!”

I couldn’t look Sigi in the eyes. “…There aren’t many people that know this, but… before Kuja made the Black Mages, he made a little Gaian girl… He gave her a soul, too, and he loved her so much, he was willing to give up his life to save her.”

Sigi glanced up at me in surprise. “…What happened to her?”

“She died,” I said softly. “…and I think a part of Kuja died that day, too. It’s not really my place to talk about it, though… but you can ask Kuja about it sometime. I know you don’t wanna talk to him – or even be _near_ him – but talking to him might actually make you feel better.”

Sigi watched Kuja for a moment and then shook his head. “…and that would just make me feel worse…”

;

No matter what I did, I couldn’t sleep. I tossed and turned for hours, shivering and trying to get warm. Sigi’s words rolled round and round in my head. I couldn’t block out the occasional rustling of the moogles, either. The wind howled against the fabric stretched over the window, and I realized it had torn. Snowflakes flurried into the room. Sighing, I rose to my feet pulled on my jacket. A quick glance around the room confirmed that everyone was asleep. Wincing against the wind, I turned towards the window and dragged my blanket off the floor. As I examined the rusty nails in the wall to see if I could secure my blanket over the hole, something caught my eye. I peered out into the endless tundra, where the ruins of Madain Sari loomed like crooked shadows.

…One of them was moving phantom-like across the snow. I gripped the edge of the window and leaned out, straining to see the figure more clearly.

…It was _Kuja_ , I realized in shock. He was walking slowly, trance-like, with his silver tail trailing limply through the snow behind him.

“What the hell?!” I whispered.

Kuja froze suddenly as a powerful wind gusted against him. He wrapped his arms around his body and shivered before vanishing into thin air.

I pulled away from the window and whipped around, but Kuja was still slumped in the corner of the room with the shadows.

_…What…?_

Had I imagined the whole thing…? I watched Kuja for a moment, but he didn’t stir. That’s when I noticed the Eidolon still warming herself near the fire. Her eyes flickered as she watched me.

Uncomfortable, I turned back towards the window. There was nothing but endless whiteness outside. Frowning, I held up my blanket and tore the corners of it over the nails in the wall to secure it over the window. The room felt instantly warmer.

Trying to ignore the ever-watchful eyes of the Eidolon, I laid back down on the floor and tried to convince myself I was dreaming. Eventually, I convinced myself enough to fall asleep…

;

**A/N: Thanks for reading, everyone! I hope you enjoyed! Comments and criticism welcome as always!**

**Author's Note:**

> This is a sequel to "Silence" and a rewrite/edit of the story "White Noise."


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